Some people are of the opinion that children should be awarded for good behavior: others think they should be punished for bad behavior discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
people
believe that kids
should be recognised with a gift or a trip for their respected attitudes. On the other hand
, some people
argue that children
should be criticized for being not good. I agree with both ideas as children
have to be rewarded for doing good to encourage them to continue this
behaviour
, but still, they should be punished sometimes for their bad behaviour
to learn that must face their faults.
On the one hand, proponents emphasize that rewarding the child could be a privilege to raise a polite and well-behaved adult. They think that once kids
have been awarded for doing well to will continue on the same pattern to achieve more awards. Furthermore
, this
will lead them to be good at their work and increase their performance, as they will become competitive people
who are seeking to be respected in their work and community. For instance
, parents of purchase a present for their kid because of his high marks in school, will motivate their child to work more and get high marks throughout his life.
On the other hand
, Some people
agree that punishing kids
may result in weak and unconfident adults. They believe that using punishment as a method to deal with bad behaviour
might break their heart and make them unable to make decisions in their lives because they are afraid of being criticized. Moreover
, punishment may create a sort of hatred for the parents from their offspring. For example
, if the parents insult their kids
as a way of punishment, their children
will start to avoid communicating with them.
In conclusion, whether people
prefer to reward good behaviour
or punish bad behaviour
, I believe people
ought to deal with children
in a balanced way, so they do not reward them all the time leading to spoilt kids
, and do not punish them all the time to protect their self-esteem.Submitted by okalqusay on
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task achievement
While the essay does cover both views and offers an opinion, providing more detailed and specific examples to support points would strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that all paragraphs are fully developed with at least one main example, and that there are clear signposting techniques used consistently between ideas and sections.
coherence cohesion
Conclude paragraphs with sentences that recap the main point made and indicate the transition to the next paragraph.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and offers a clear opinion that agrees with both sides to an extent, highlighting a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are generally well-organized, with a logical structure maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes succinctly by reiterating the balanced approach suggested in the introduction, providing a sense of closure to the discussion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite