IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
, old or young enjoy playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 whether for entertainment or education. Contrastly, some experts believed that
this
Linking Words
 activity could negatively affect life for
people
Use synonyms
 who love to do so.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will present some advantages and disadvantages that several
games
Use synonyms
 have.
However
Linking Words
, I tend to agree with the former notion rather than the latter viewpoint.
First
Linking Words
, many computer
games
Use synonyms
 are believed to offer some entertainment aspect for a cheap price.
In other words
Linking Words
, working
people
Use synonyms
 who want to escape from their busy schedule for a while will be relaxed by playing a
game
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as card
games
Use synonyms
, or decorating a room. It
also
Linking Words
 assumed that some
games
Use synonyms
 could improve
people
Use synonyms
 critical thinking and problem solving by playing a
game
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as escape room.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 suggested that several
games
Use synonyms
 have educational content and could help children to learn more effectively.
For instance
Linking Words
, some parents will show their children a
game
Use synonyms
 that teaches about the alphabet. For teenagers, some
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 will present science
such
Linking Words
 as chemistry, mathematics, and so on.
In other words
Linking Words
, using a
video
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
 to learn a specific lesson will help students to receive the lesson easily and in happy ways.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, others
also
Linking Words
 believed that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 will make
people
Use synonyms
 addicted. Users who cannot manage their
time
Use synonyms
 while playing
games
Use synonyms
 are most likely to get focused only on a
game
Use synonyms
 rather than their surroundings.
For instance
Linking Words
, young users or even adults who have less self-controlled are likely to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 in front of a computer and forget to do some daily activities
such
Linking Words
 as eating and showering. If that activity happens for a long
time
Use synonyms
 so will lead to some problems
such
Linking Words
 as backache and eye problems. In conclusion, several
games
Use synonyms
 are used by many
people
Use synonyms
 to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 and educational purpose. These various merits are more beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 rather than
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
negative effects
a negative effect
show examples
.
Video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are likely a pleasant tool if used properly. It offers many amusing and educating aspects.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: