IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that a county becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree ?

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In contemporary cities, it is very common to know a person from non-identical
countries
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. And some
people
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 think that the more diverse population in cultures and ethnic groups, the more fascinating and quickly expanding
countries
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. I totally agree with
this
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 opinion and think that
people
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 with various backgrounds can help to improve the country in many ways.
First
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 of all, I believe that
people
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 from different counties can help to contribute in an economical way.
Consequently
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, there will be more competition to get a chance to live in a more comfortable.
People
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 admire themselves to improve their economy.
For instance
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, the USA has one of the biggest economic proportions among the other
countries
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 and its population includes dissimilar
people
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 which grew up in different
countries
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. That's why
,
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apply
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 blending cultures in states can create improvements in the economical field.
Secondly
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, growing up in a combination of various views makes
people
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 more open-minded to other thoughts.
In other words
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, it helps to reduce discrimination and racism in certain areas. It led
people
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 to build a more respectful environment for everyone and it results in strong social bonds. Most enormous companies
such
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 as Google and Amazon tend to hire
people
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 from unlikely folks.
Thus
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, both governmental and company levels pay attention to
this
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 ethnic mixture. To conclude, I strongly believe that having citizens which can see from a different perspective is crucial because it helps to contribute to the economy and
also
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 empowered social bonds among the
people
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.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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