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Band 7.5

In some counties, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#counties #people #health #food #governments #tax
In Some countries ,especially developed countries the number of
health
 problems is significantly going up.Consuming a large number of fast
food
 is being accused of being the main cause of
this
 problem.There is an inconclusive debate as to whether or not the governments should legislate a higher
tax
 on fast
food
 in order to ban citizens from eating too much.From my point of view,I disagree with
this
 idea.In the following paragraphs,the reasons will be outlined in detail.
To begin
 with,Some people believe that if the governments impose a higher
tax
,the problem will be dissolved
due to
 fast
food
 will not be affordable anymore so they will have a choice to choose healthier
food
instead
.Another benefit is the countries will gain more incentives since the number of fast
food
 is abundant.
Consequently
,with
this
 amount of income,they can utilize
this
 money in order to do
health
 promotion
such
 as constructing parks or green spaces where citizens can exercise.
On the contrary
,The opponent side argues that
tax
 cannot solve
this
 problem.Individuals who tend to prefer unhealthy
food
 still consume it regarding the price.There are more sustainable ways to solve
this
.
For instance
,The governments should educate their own citizens ,especially at school since they were kids in order to build knowledge making them realise by themselves the impact of
this
food
 on our
health
.By providing
this
 information,they will find another way to improve their
health
such
 as exercise which
lacking it
Verb problem
may
show examples
also
 be another cause that leads to
health
 problems. To summarize,
Although
 imposing a higher
tax
 can make an advantage in the short term,educating people can solve
this
 in a more sustainable way.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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task response
Make sure to address both sides of the argument equally if discussing opposing perspectives.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Include a more comprehensive conclusion summarizing key points and your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You presented both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of different perspectives.
language use
Your use of complex sentences shows an advanced level of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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