When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that it is vital to construct more public
parks
and
sports
amenities than
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping complexes during
planning
Add an article
the planning
show examples
of a new
town
. In fact, I completely agree with
this
statement
beccause
Correct your spelling
because
it will be
people
more proactive and minimize
the
Change the word
their
show examples
stress
in them.
First
of all, opening more public
parks
and
sports
facilities will make the
people
more active.
This
is because these days
people
are suffering from
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, which leads to numerous
health
ailments. If
such
facilities will be offered to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
it will motivate them to do physical activity.
Moreover
, it will enhance the life expectancy of
people
.
For example
,
South
Correct article usage
the South
show examples
Korean government has made
stringent
Add an article
a stringent
the stringent
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
that every new
town
should have public
parks
and amenities for
sports
.
As a result
, inhabitants of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South Korea, do not have obesity issues in
comaprison
Correct your spelling
comparison
to other countries.
Therefore
, planning of
town
with numerous
health
facilities will raise the
health
standards of citizens. Another reason to consider is that involving
sports
areas and public
parks
will helps the citizens to destress. These days due to
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
imbalance,
people
are struggling
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of
stress
. if
people
will a walk or
jogg
Correct your spelling
jog
in a midst of nature it will make them relax.
In addition
, involvement in
sports
helps to distract the
people
and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to a decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
.
For example
, a recent study
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
Health
Organisazation
Correct your spelling
Organization
Organisation
concluded that
enagaging
Correct your spelling
engaging
in
sports
will negate the
stress
lavel
Correct your spelling
level
by half.
Thus
,
town
planning should include
parks
and
sports
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
to curb the
stress
. In conclusion, I strongly agree that during
planning
Add an article
the planning
show examples
of new towns, it is crucial to construct physical
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
places rather than shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Not only it does curb the sedentary lifestyle of the
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
also
plays a pivotal role in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: