IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centers #people #time
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It is argued that it is vital to construct more public
parks
 and
sports
 amenities than
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping complexes during
planning
Add an article
the planning
show examples
 of a new
town
. In fact, I completely agree with
this
 statement
beccause
Correct your spelling
because
 it will be
people
 more proactive and minimize
the
Change the word
their
show examples
stress
 in them.
First
 of all, opening more public
parks
 and
sports
 facilities will make the
people
 more active.
This
 is because these days
people
 are suffering from
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, which leads to numerous
health
 ailments. If
such
 facilities will be offered to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 it will motivate them to do physical activity.
Moreover
, it will enhance the life expectancy of
people
.
For example
,
South
Correct article usage
the South
show examples
 Korean government has made
stringent
Add an article
a stringent
the stringent
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 that every new
town
 should have public
parks
 and amenities for
sports
.
As a result
, inhabitants of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South Korea, do not have obesity issues in
comaprison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to other countries.
Therefore
, planning of
town
 with numerous
health
 facilities will raise the
health
 standards of citizens. Another reason to consider is that involving
sports
 areas and public
parks
 will helps the citizens to destress. These days due to
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 imbalance,
people
 are struggling
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
stress
. if
people
 will a walk or
jogg
Correct your spelling
jog
 in a midst of nature it will make them relax.
In addition
, involvement in
sports
 helps to distract the
people
 and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
.
For example
, a recent study
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
Health
Organisazation
Correct your spelling
Organization
Organisation
 concluded that
enagaging
Correct your spelling
engaging
 in
sports
 will negate the
stress
lavel
Correct your spelling
level
 by half.
Thus
,
town
 planning should include
parks
 and
sports
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 to curb the
stress
. In conclusion, I strongly agree that during
planning
Add an article
the planning
show examples
 of new towns, it is crucial to construct physical
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 places rather than shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Not only it does curb the sedentary lifestyle of the
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
also
 plays a pivotal role in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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