The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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There is no doubt that the number of people being obese is substantially increasing which is causing strain on the health care system.People believe that incorporating physical

activities

Use synonyms

into the academic curriculum will assist to counter the issue.I completely agree with the statement because

this

Linking Words

method could be the easiest and most effective way to resolve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health-related issues.

Firstly

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,dealing with the issue of obesity and weight gain can be best solved by considering a long-term approach and introducing physical

activities

Use synonyms

in the curriculum for school level

children

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

method will ensure future generations are healthier,active and have

such

Linking Words

health-related problems.

For example

Linking Words

,a normal child has 2 hours of physical activity in daily life which is not enough to overcome a sedentary lifestyle.,

However

Linking Words

Add the comma(s)

show examples

adding-up physical activity classes to the daily school curriculum will help to counter the issue Another point to consider is that

children

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having physical

activities

Use synonyms

in their routine will help to develop an interest in fitness and being physically active which might help to filter habits through other members of society and have a longer effect.

For instance

Linking Words

,parents being more involved with

children

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will

also

Linking Words

be motivated and positively impacted by the benefits of physical fitness.

This

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is certainly a natural and long-lasting way to improve public health. In a nutshell,to deal with the increasing unfit population with weight gain and obesity problems can be overcome by changing lifestyle, which will result to make the upcoming generation healthier,for

such

Linking Words

easiest and most effective way is introducing more sports and co-curricular

activities

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

daily life.

Submitted by Alvina Muqeet on Mon Apr 11 2022

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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