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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy foods more. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #taxes #food #people #foods
Imposing taxes on junk
food
 is one of the solutions that the government has mandated in order to encourage
people
 to consume more healthy
food
.
Although
 many
people
 might disagree with
this
 phenomenon, I firmly believe that
this
 is an effective
way
 to promote a healthy lifestyle.
This
 essay will discuss why I agree with the above statement.
Firstly
, putting taxes on sugary
food
 is an effective
way
 to control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers' eating habits. In the UK, it is noticeable that
this
 law has been already implemented and
people
 are thinking twice before picking up a regular
coke
Capitalize word
Coke
show examples
 in the shops because of the additional tax on the price tag.
Consequently
, sugar is one of the culprits why more
people
 nowadays suffer from different types of illnesses
such
 as diabetes. The number of
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are being diagnosed with pre-diabetes and diabetes is increasing each year, and even
people
 at an early age now are diagnosed with
this
 problem.
Moreover
, an additional amount on the price tag of unhealthy
food
 will encourage
people
 to prepare their own meals at home.
This
way
, it can be guaranteed that what
people
 are consuming is clean and no preservatives are added to their meals.
This
also
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
people
 the opportunity to be more economical. Preparing home-cooked meals is much cheaper rather than
earing
Correct your spelling
eating
show examples
 out and paying additional
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on certain
food
 items. In conclusion, adding taxes on unhealthy
food
 is an effective
way
 for the government to promote a healthy lifestyle for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 constituents.
Submitted by joycegacho on

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task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement that directly addresses whether you agree or disagree.
task response
Introduce specific examples or data to solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and interest.
task response
Consider adding a counter-argument paragraph to balance your essay and show your ability to evaluate both sides of the argument before concluding.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate use of transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Good use of introductory and conclusive sentences to frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Effective argument structure, presenting clear reasons supporting your stance.
task response
Relevant examples are used, enhancing the persuasive element of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • adoption
  • reinvested
  • subsidies
  • disproportionately
  • calorie-dense
  • non-communicable diseases
  • financial strain
  • guidelines
  • constitutes
  • confusion
  • bias
  • exemptions
  • mitigate
  • undue
  • financial hardship
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