IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy foods more. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #taxes #food #people #foods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Imposing taxes on junk
food
Use synonyms
 is one of the solutions that the government has mandated in order to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume more healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 might disagree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is an effective
way
Use synonyms
 to promote a healthy lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why I agree with the above statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, putting taxes on sugary
food
Use synonyms
 is an effective
way
Use synonyms
 to control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers' eating habits. In the UK, it is noticeable that
this
Linking Words
 law has been already implemented and
people
Use synonyms
 are thinking twice before picking up a regular
coke
Capitalize word
Coke
show examples
 in the shops because of the additional tax on the price tag.
Consequently
Linking Words
, sugar is one of the culprits why more
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays suffer from different types of illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes. The number of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are being diagnosed with pre-diabetes and diabetes is increasing each year, and even
people
Use synonyms
 at an early age now are diagnosed with
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an additional amount on the price tag of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 will encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to prepare their own meals at home.
This
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
, it can be guaranteed that what
people
Use synonyms
 are consuming is clean and no preservatives are added to their meals.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to be more economical. Preparing home-cooked meals is much cheaper rather than
earing
Correct your spelling
eating
show examples
 out and paying additional
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on certain
food
Use synonyms
 items. In conclusion, adding taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is an effective
way
Use synonyms
 for the government to promote a healthy lifestyle for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 constituents.
Submitted by joycegacho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement that directly addresses whether you agree or disagree.
task response
Introduce specific examples or data to solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and interest.
task response
Consider adding a counter-argument paragraph to balance your essay and show your ability to evaluate both sides of the argument before concluding.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate use of transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Good use of introductory and conclusive sentences to frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Effective argument structure, presenting clear reasons supporting your stance.
task response
Relevant examples are used, enhancing the persuasive element of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • adoption
  • reinvested
  • subsidies
  • disproportionately
  • calorie-dense
  • non-communicable diseases
  • financial strain
  • guidelines
  • constitutes
  • confusion
  • bias
  • exemptions
  • mitigate
  • undue
  • financial hardship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: