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Band 7.5

In recent years, pressure on school and university students has been increasing and they are pushed to work very hard from a young age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#years #pressure #school #university #students #work #age #development
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In a constantly-changing world today,
students
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 are under much more
pressure
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 from schoolwork since they are forced to be diligent in academics from an early age. In my opinion, it should be considered negative on account of several reasons below.
To begin
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 with, I believe that putting increasing academic
pressure
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 on
students
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 can leave many detrimental implications for their physical well-being.
In particular
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, many young
children
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 have to suffer from fatigue and health deterioration when they are pushed to spend most of their time studying at school and in extra classes on a daily basis.
In other words
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, too much time is allocated to studying hard, which means that they are likely to lead a sedentary lifestyle without any chances to do physical activities regularly.
In addition
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, with a tight study schedule, young
children
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 and university
students
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 can be put at risk of mental health issues
such
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 as stress and depression which are the main culprits of the increasing suicide rate.
This
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 can be exemplified by the cases in some Asian countries
such
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 as Korea and China where studying is very pressured due to tough competitiveness with prestigious universities.
This
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 leads many
students
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 to make a desperate decision of ending their own lives to escape from all
pressure
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. Some parents hold an argument that it is beneficial for
children
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 to form a study routine and work hard at school at a young age. To be more specific, they strongly argue that with serious efforts, their offspring can gain fruitful achievements in their future.
Although
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 I accept that studying hard is of vital importance to
children
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’s future jobs, I still support the view that learning should be enjoyable, so
children
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 need to have a carefree and happy childhood. In fact,
children
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 are vulnerable, and too much
pressure
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 can make them obsessed and unmotivated in the learning process. In conclusion, in light of the aforementioned reasons including adverse effects on physical and mental health as well as
children
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’s inner will to learn new knowledge, I firmly hold a belief that
this
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 trend is overall a negative development.
Submitted by tungpns1811 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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