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Writing Samples
Band 5

Overpopulation is the cause of number of problems, especially in urban areas. What are its causes? What are its effects?

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Nowadays our society is experiencing a large number of issues and one of them is the gigantic number of people living in the same area, especially in the
cities
Use synonyms
. The present essay will explain the situation
well
Rephrase
as well
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 as the factors that generated it and
consequences
Correct pronoun usage
its consequences
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.
Firstly
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, the reasons for the mentioned problem are related to the people’s need to obtain better opportunities in terms of work and education.
While
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 more companies are recruiting people with provocative salaries, in the rural areas the conditions are disappointing.
For example
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, a teacher living in Melbourne could find a job in a community centre earning around $35 per hour
whereas
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 in Regional Victoria doing the same
job
Add a comma
job,
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 their salary could be up to $25.
Besides
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, in our present age capitalism and the need to consume more and more are present in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families and being in a metropolitan region assures easy access to the most expensive and sophisticated brands. An example of
this
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 is Apple, one of the most famous companies which of course has shops only in principal
cities
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 and not even one the rurality.
Hence
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, the consequences of
this
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 are countless and go from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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absolute poverty in rural areas
due to
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 the minimal population located there, to the overuse of resources in the
cities
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, increment in traffic problems and taxes rise and even worse the transformation of natural reserves and parks, that currently function as natural oxygen purifiers, in buildings and houses to respond to the demand.
For instance
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, a local park will be modified as construction with many apartments that will accommodate a large number of families.
To conclude
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, it is necessary to recognize that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation is huge in the
cities
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 as a cause of the minor alternatives and the expectation of people to acquire more and more goods and if we don’t act now to stop
this
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 situation it will impact the environment and the quality of life of the entire world.

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task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how overpopulation impacts resources, traffic, and the environment.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion that fully address the topic and provide a roadmap of the essay.
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