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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the current society,many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

#society #people #obesity #effects
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There are many diet-related ailments nowadays, and most
people
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 in the modern world suffer from
obesity
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.
Obesity
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 causes and effects are discussed
further
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 down.
Obesity
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 is a disease
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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caused by a variety of factors that make
people
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 vulnerable to it.
First,
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there's the issue of eating habits, specifically consuming unhealthy foods high in cholesterol and fat, which leads to a buildup of cholesterol and harmful fats.
People
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 who eat fast food frequently,
for example
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, are more likely to get cholesterol disease than those who maintain a balanced diet.
Second,
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changes in
people
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's lives contribute to an increase in the number of obese
people
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.
For example
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, currently, more
people
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 drive than walk,
therefore
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 they do not participate in sports, resulting in an increase in the number of obese
people
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.
As a result
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, bad eating habits and lifestyle changes are
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 primary causes of
obesity
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.
However
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, some of the consequences of being overweight will result in an increase in the frequency of cases. First and mainly, the health consequences of
obesity
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 are devastating.
This
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 is because the illness can create co-infection, weakening the immune system even more.
According to
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 current studies, 80 % of obese consumers
also
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 have high blood pressure which can result in heart attacks and endanger their lives.
Furthermore
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, many obese persons are unable to completely exploit their potential in some vocations
due to
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 their restricted mobility. Obese women,
for example
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, are unable to perform basic household activities
such
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 as washing clothes, sweeping the house and cooking food.
To sum up
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, unhealthy eating habits and changes in lifestyle have contributed to the upsurge of
obesity
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 numbers in the current world.
In addition
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,
obesity
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 has created an enormous impact not only on the
healthy
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health
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 but
also
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 on productivity of the individuals.
Submitted by fasikhullisanugerah on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points about the causes and effects of obesity. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and provide a clear overview of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • genetic predisposition
  • exacerbated
  • nutrient-deficient
  • caloric intake
  • socioeconomic factors
  • psychological factors
  • chronic diseases
  • discrimination
  • healthcare costs
  • stigma
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