IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Globalization has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion.

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Due to
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 the Internet and the new technologies, getting in touch and staying informed about issues occurring across the ocean is not a big deal.
Although
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 internationalization contributes hugely to the current world, it can
also
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 cause serious issues.
Globalization
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 improves relationships between
countries
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 but increases the
competitivity
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competition
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 between
countries
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 in a continent. In my opinion, I think that
globalization
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 is necessary nowadays because of the stability it generates for developed
countries
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.
To begin
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 with, internationalization lets
countries
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 improve their stability thanks to other
countries
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. Getting in touch with a wealthier country or maintaining a friendship with a neighbouring country, will improve their stability, reducing dangerous incidents.
Such
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 as, it occurred recently from the start of the war between Ukraine and Russia, where the majority of
countries
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 supported Ukraine and developed immense penalty fees, harming Russia and sending money and meals helping Ukraine to aid their defence.
On the other hand
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, internationalization is a disadvantage for
countries
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 with limited resources compared to more developed or richer nations.
In other words
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, since it is possible to find a better job or a better style of life for people, the nations are defenceless against push factors that could make it possible to depopulate a country or block the possibility of being competitive. Salaries are particularly a frightening factor that
increments
Verb problem
increases
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 migratory trends across the world. To illustrate, in Spain, nurses and doctors are lacking,
due to
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 the impossibility of paying
desmesurated
Correct your spelling
desaturated
 salaries that are granted for these jobs in other
countries
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 that have privatized sanity.
To conclude
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,
globalization
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 is a utility that can be a blessing or a condemnation, depending on your point of view. It can condemn you if you are not competitive enough to
well
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apply
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secure a good life for professionals and capacitated workers or can be an outstanding reliable functionality that will grant you a helpful base. In my opinion, I think that the
last
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 stated affirmation surpasses the disadvantages that come with
globalization
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.

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task response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of globalization as requested. However, the clear presentation of a well-defined opinion is lacking. It is important to clearly state and support your opinion in response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion lack depth and impact. Consider providing a stronger introduction that clearly outlines the main points and a conclusion that summarizes the key arguments and presents a clear opinion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary and uses cohesive devices to link ideas. However, it would benefit from more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of expression.
grammatical range
There are instances of inaccuracies and lack of sentence variety. Pay attention to the accurate use of complex structures and aim for more varied sentence structures to showcase a wider range of grammar.
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