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Band 7

More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons.

#people #clothes #effects
In modern days,
people
 tend to buy new
clothes
 to follow the trend of fashion. In
this
 essay, both the advantages and disadvantages will be outlined before reaching my opinion.
To begin
 with, buying new fashionable outfits brings several benefits to communities.
Firstly
,
people
 these days always judge others by what are they dressing.
For instance
, when a person applies for a job, they need to dress smartly and professionally in order to impress interviewers. In simple terms, It can increase the possibility
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 hired.
Secondly
, some shops, which sell up-to-date
clothes
, are opened by locals. Buying fashionable
clothes
 can improve financial status in communities.
Additionally
,
following
this
 trend
also
 has negative effects on society. At
first,
individuals should not be only judged by their outlooks. Some
people
 are not following fashion but they have knowledge that can offer and support the companies to a bright future.
On the contrary
, some
people
 who dress fit, turn out to be scammers.
Next,
using too much fabric to produce
clothes
 can worsen the environment. A manufacturing process needs a lot of chemical substances to dye the
clothes
. After these chemicals are used, many producers
such
 as locals always litter them into a canal or field, which will harm the ecosystem directly. All in all, citizens purchase new
clothes
as a result
 they need to follow the trend. In my opinion, the downwards outweigh the plus effects, we should consider other
people
 their personalities or skills, not
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dressings.
Furthermore
, the process of cloth manufacturing brings bad effects to the world which are not acceptable these days.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Use Varied Linking Words
While your essay is well-structured and ideas are logically presented, adding more varied linking words could enhance the flow further.
Incorporate Diverse Examples
To augment your arguments, incorporating diverse examples from wider contexts or studies could increase the persuasiveness of your points.
Strengthen the Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance; consider reinforcing it by briefly restating key points to leave a stronger impression.
Balanced Argument
You've effectively outlined both the positive and negative impacts of the trend, demonstrating a balanced view which is crucial for a high Task Achievement score.
Clear Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing your essay effectively and signaling to the reader your essay's structure.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are supported with specific examples, strengthening your arguments and making them more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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