IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. While others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion on this?

#people #clothes #waste #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that some folks prefer to follow
fashion
Use synonyms
, while others say it is a way of inappropriate spending cash. In my opinion, it is unwise for people to spend money to wear fashionable clothes
instead
Linking Words
 they should prioritize their basic needs,
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
. The following paragraphs will illustrate the merits of my position.
Firstly
Linking Words
, spending on
health
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important things that the public should be aware of.
This
Linking Words
 means that the public should prioritize their
health
Use synonyms
 over buying new clothes. If the public did not spend their pay on their
health
Use synonyms
, they would not be able to work, and
as a result
Linking Words
, their productivity would decrease.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they may be at risk of losing their lives if they ignore treating themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent research paper at Cairo university showed that many middle-class families who spend funds on
fashion
Use synonyms
 suffer from medical illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as malnutrition.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending on
education
Use synonyms
 is much more important than spending on
fashion
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that a family should be concerned more about their siblings’
education
Use synonyms
 than the following
fashion
Use synonyms
. If parents spend more capital on
education
Use synonyms
, their children will get high scores and
as a result
Linking Words
, they can achieve their goals in future.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the sociology department, at Queens University showed that most successful students did not wear fashionable clothes when they were young. In conclusion, I believe that spending on
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 is much more important than spending on
fashion
Use synonyms
. Healthy and well-educated future generations will benefit themselves and
accordingly
Linking Words
 their community.
Submitted by Toni R on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: