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Writing Samples
Band 8

Living in a country when you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious serius social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Living in a country where language is not a mother tongue can socially cause a severe issue,
as well as
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 practical problems. I totally agree with
this
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 statement.
First,
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being a foreigner in a workplace means one has to face a severe culture shock, not only in the office but in the whole society.
This
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 can lead them to less chance of being successful in their careers.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study from the Faculty of Economics, at Harvard University, 80% of the U.S. citizens working in Thailand have difficulty adapting themselves to Thai traditional norms.
This
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 has led those American expats to move back to their mother country.
Moreover
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, being environed by those whose language and culture are different takes a huge amount of effort. Other colleagues need no adaptation at all but an expatriate does need to blend in. Negatively standing out can distract them from a proper working promotion, when compared to other local staff
in particular
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.
Secondly
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, lower self-esteem is another harsh problem that cannot be overlooked. Working in countries where most citizens speak differently can lead a foreign employee to less confidence, particularly when it comes to working in a team, which requires a flow of practical communication. To illustrate
further
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, a recent poll conducted by the New York Times revealed that two-thirds of American employees will willingly resign if they are given the opportunity from other firms back home.
Lastly
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, it is undeniable that the opportunity to be promoted can hardly be provided for an expat
due to
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 the obstacles of a different language spoken. Unless one is a local resident, promotion can barely be given to him with or without an outstanding performance.
To conclude
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, working in a country where most companies do not speak
similarly
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 can lead an employee to severe issues not only because of a culture shock and a different environment but
also
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 lower self-esteem and fewer working opportunities.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more transition words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
Consider expanding on how practical problems arise in addition to social issues for a fully rounded response.
task achievement
The essay clearly states the position in the introduction and conclusion statements.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the Harvard University study, to illustrate points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents coherent ideas throughout.
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