Some people believe that the government Should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reason for your answer and include examples from your own experience

#people #government #care #support #individuals #years #fund #retirement #reason

The question of whether elderly individuals ought to be taken

care

of by the authorities has prompted a substantial debate.

While

many champion

this

, which I completely support, because the constitution mandates it, and they pay

taxes

during their labor days. Others contend against

this

idea. Analyzing

this

factuality will give a comprehensive understanding of

this

subject matter.

Firstly

this

is actually their constitutional right, so it should be upheld.

For example

, in Nigeria, old people are seen on the street begging because

leaders

embezzled all the funds meant to take

care

of the aged, which is against the law. Obviously, taking

care

of the aged group is a task only the state can handle.

Thus

, it is the government's responsibility to cater for the retired folks and should be implemented.

Secondly

. They

also

paid

taxes

to the authorities when they were still strong.

For instance

, Anambra state has the most effective operating system, because everyone that

paid

Wrong verb form

pays

show examples

taxes

is catered for at retirement. Clearly, they did not pay

taxes

themselves, so it is a duty solely meant for people in power.

Hence

, the

leaders

should assume the complete responsibility of the retired group. In my opinion,

leaders

are obligated in accordance with the constitutional law and by virtue of receiving tax contributions when they are young. In conclusion, the argument that the government should

care

for retired folks has sparked a considerable dispute. Some advocate for

this

, which, in my opinion, is better

due to

the law mandates it and that the elderly pay

taxes

while

they are working.

However

, others challenge

this

notion. Examining

this

fact has proved that it is the responsibility of the

leaders

to cater to the retired citizens.

Submitted by Eby on Sun Mar 03 2024

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task achievement

Consider rephrasing your introduction to more directly address the question's prompt, providing a clear thesis statement that sums up your stance. This will ensure your essay immediately aligns with the task.

task achievement

To improve task achievement, focus on expanding your arguments with a broader range of examples and deeper analysis. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Introduce a variety of cohesive devices beyond simple connectors to improve the flow of your essay. This includes synonym usage, reference words, and paraphrasing, which can enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed and clearly focused. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and be followed by supporting details and examples related to your main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that governments should take a large portion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.