Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that having a smartphone is a crucial thing for people of all ages.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that nowadays many individuals at a young
age
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have their own mobile phones, there is
also
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an argument that opposes
this
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idea.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, nowadays
parents
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trust their
children
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and give them
smartphones
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because there are features that allow them to control what their
children
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watch.
In other words
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, every smartphone has options that enable
parents
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to control their
children
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’s usage.
In addition
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, most applications and videos have classifications that show which
age
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group they are suitable for.
For example
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, in Japan, the government assists in providing
smartphones
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for teenagers.
On the other hand
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, teenagers can be influenced rapidly by everything they hear or watch. It is
also
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possible to say that preventing them from having
smartphones
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is a good step.
This
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is because, at
this
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age
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, they tend to imitate what they see and hear.
Moreover
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, teenagers are usually curious about new things and may explore harmful websites or inappropriate content.
For instance
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, several studies recommend that
parents
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should
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apply
show examples
prevent their
children
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from owning
smartphones
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at a young
age
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because
this
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can have a negative impact on their behaviour. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that if
parents
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give their
children
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smartphones
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at a young
age
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, they must accept the possible negative impact, as it gives them a big responsibility at
this
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stage of life.

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task response
Answer all parts more clearly. You talk about good and bad sides, but your own view is not fully clear until the end.
task response
Add stronger main ideas in each body part. Some points are a bit general and need more detail.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and direct. The Japan example is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one clear point. This will help the essay feel easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences connect, but the flow can be better.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one clear reason and one clear example.
task response
You answer both the good side and the bad side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph shape with four parts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication
  • access to information
  • safety and security
  • entertainment
  • educational opportunities
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • distraction
  • lack of focus
  • privacy concerns
  • social disconnection
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • opinion
  • outweigh
  • limits
  • screen time
  • online safety
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