Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

There is no
denting
Use the right word
denying
show examples
the fact that having smart
phone
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is a crucial
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
for all ages.
While
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it is a
commnly
Correct your spelling
commonly
held belief that nowadays several indiviuals in a young
age
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have their mobile
phone
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, there is
also
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an argument that opposes
this
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idea.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, currently
parents
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
trust their children and give them smart
phone
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because they are feautres to allow them
controll
Correct your spelling
to control
what they can watch
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In other words
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, any smart
phone
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there are option to allow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
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controlled smart
Correct word order
to control their kids' smartphones
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phone
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for their kids.
In addition
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, every
applications
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application
show examples
or videos they have clasification for which
age
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is suitable
to
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for
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using.
For example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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Japan
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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governments they assist to give smart
Correct word order
government assists in giving smartphones to
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phone
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for teenagers.
On the other hand
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,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
teenagers
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
iflunce rapdly
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be influenced rapidly
by
everythings
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everything
they hear or watch. It is
also
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possible to say that
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
them to get smart
phone
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is
good
Correct article usage
a good
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steeps
Check wording
step
show examples
. Because, in
this
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age
Add a comma
age,
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they are repeating only what they
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
and
hearing
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
.
Moreover
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, teenagers always
they
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apply
show examples
have
curasity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
about new things and may explore
dark
Correct article usage
the dark
show examples
web or hack
website
Correct article usage
a website
show examples
.
For instance
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, several studies reccommend to
parents
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should
Verb problem
apply
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prevent them to have own smartpone in a young
age
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because that guides to bad impact
for
Change preposition
on
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their behaviour. In conclusion, there are no
eassy
Correct your spelling
easy
answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that if
parents
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give their kids smart
phone
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at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
must
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
accept
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
impact because they give them a big responsability in
this
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age
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer all parts more clearly: say good points, bad points, and your view in a direct way.
task response
Use main ideas that are easy to understand, then add one clear reason for each idea.
task response
Give examples that are real and fit the idea well. The Japan example is not clear enough.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and do not repeat the same words too much.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some parts are hard to understand now.
task response
You answered both sides and gave your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication
  • access to information
  • safety and security
  • entertainment
  • educational opportunities
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • distraction
  • lack of focus
  • privacy concerns
  • social disconnection
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • opinion
  • outweigh
  • limits
  • screen time
  • online safety
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