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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise every day they will become fit. However, nowadays old people are usually alone and do not talk to others which make them unhappy and unfit. What are the causes and solutions?

#people #time #exercise
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In
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 era of society, elderly
people
 nowadays have a feeling of loneliness and becoming less talkative which is ultimately making them sad and unhealthy. Some
people
 opine that meeting and chatting with other
people
 and daily
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 can bring a positive impact on them.
This
 essay will discuss the causes behind sadness and bad health of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 along with solutions in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
 with, as there are many causes behind the
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 and unhappy nature of elderly
people
, it may be due to
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 interaction between family. Because nowadays children and adults are too much busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their studies and career, they hardly have time to sit close to elderly ones and
this
 may be a cause of loneliness in elderly ones.
In addition
, since older
people
 have no one to express their feelings
, they
Change preposition
to, they
show examples
 may try to hide everything in them.
Hence
,
this
 is the main culprit behind the worst condition of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
For example
, as per the survey published by The Guardian newspaper in March
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2017 that stress, depression and heart stroke cases had increased tremendously in older
people
 because of least talk with their family members and suppressing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 feelings.
Consequently
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 along some solutions to eradicate the issue of bad health and sadness among senior citizens. Primarily, in order to remove the feeling of being alone,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 may go out in the mornings and evenings, they may meet
people
 of different ages and they can talk to them.
Thus
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 small conversations can make them open with others and express their feelings which can be a stress buster.
Moreover
, elderly
people
 can join fitness clubs and gyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis where they can exercise with others and can get
motivation
Add an article
the motivation
show examples
 to be fit. To illustrate, in many nations, an increasing number of elderly
people
 had been joining the yoga and meditation camps since these helped them to be fit and socialize in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To encapsulate, though older
people
 due to lack of family interaction and absence of someone to express their feeling can be the reasons
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
make them unhappy and unfit, the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems are spending good time with others and daily exercise in the health clubs.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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