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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #interaction #people #society
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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over whether communicating in person is being replaced by social
platforms
. I would contend that
this
 phenomenon has both pros and cons.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 its advantage cannot overshadow its counterpart. Without a shadow of a doubt, social media plays
such
 a paramount indispensable role in
people’s
 lives in
this
 day and age. Because digital
platforms
 help residents conveniently connect with each other through the internet everywhere in the world. To be more particular, Facebook, which is the most well-known application on digital equipment can be cited as a compelling example, it allows everyone to send messages or call others anytime on a daily basis.
Hence
, interacting with each other
by
Change preposition
via
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 social media gradually becomes more and more common for the time being.
While
 the redeeming feature of social networks is widely acknowledged, its counterpart still lingers. Despite its convenience, online
platforms
 make
people’s
information
 become more dangerous. To be more specific, using digital applications makes inhabitants who have a tendency to be addicted to the internet and not desire to meet others in person will have some hazardous relationships. Those relations would threaten
people’s
 lives once a citizen's private
information
 is leaked
such
 as their address or ID card in order to blackmail or
kidnapped
Replace the word
kidnap them
show examples
.
Thus
, making use of social
platforms
 would threaten personal
information
 because the
information
 could be disclosed. In conclusion,
although
 it is convenient to have online communications on social media,
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interaction is still optimal for
people’s
 ordinary lives
as well as
 individual
information
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a more balanced view of advantages and disadvantages. While you've covered both, the examination of how the advantages potentially outweigh the disadvantages could be deepened.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific, real-world examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph follows a logical structure: introducing the idea, supporting it with examples or explanations, and then concluding or linking it to the next paragraph. While generally well-structured, there are moments where this could be enhanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas more clearly. While your essay uses these to some extent, greater variety and precision would improve readability and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Carefully proofread your writing to avoid repeated phrases or typographical errors, as these can distract from your argument and affect the clarity of your message.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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