IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
Most
people
 believe that childhood is the best period for learning and absorption of all knowledge around them. Regarding personal soft
skills
,a sense of competition should be educated in schooling time.
However
, some argue that a better way for those who will grow up as useful adults in the future should be encouraged a cooperative sensibility.
This
 essay will discuss with pros and cons of both views including my perspectives. To become a valuable person, being cooperative may be one of the conditions for successful
people
. Because no one could live completely in the world without helping each other.
For instance
,there would be always some kind of
people
 helping new workers when they start a new role in any workplace. They
then
 work effectively together as teamwork.
On the other hand
, the competitive sense is
also
 crucial in job mode. If some have no sense of competitiveness, they may gradually step away from the promotion or job in the same role for many years. As the result, it is quite reasonable that those should be studied a taste of collaboration during their schooling age.
Although
, collaborative
skills
 may be useful rather than competitive
skills
. Both are still significant in different ways. In my opinion, a combination of collaborative and competitive
skills
 which are necessary fundamental abilities in work-life could be a better solution focusing on studying time for many children. Those could learn with co-operative and competitive abilities at the same hour, to maximize their own capabilities. These may lead to a satisfying performance when they grow up. To conclude, there is a strong benefit to a combination of both
skills
. I think personally that adolescents should be gradually taught those abilities during the schooling period.
Moreover
, they
also
 should be suggested by experienced
people
 in each step.
Submitted by phanphetpor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: