The plans below show the layout of a university's sports center now and how it will look after redevelopment.

The maps provide information about the developments which will take place in the
sports
centre
of
this
college in the
future
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
this
centre
is going to become dramatically bigger by adding many various parts. To achieve
this
goal, outdoor courts should be knocked down to make some more space for the construction of new facilities. The
centre
part of
this
place will remain approximately the same, the only change is about its gym above the 25m pool which will have more space in the
future
plans. The entrance will remain the same, but a café and
also
a shop for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
products will be added to the right and left side of the entrance respectively. In the
future
, there will be two more changing rooms in both corners in the south part of the
centre
.
Moreover
, the
sports
hall is going to be built exactly next to the seating room. We see in the
future
layout of
this
centre
, two dance studios are going to be added on the right side. The
last
change that
this
sports
centre
will experience is the leisure pool on the left side of the map where people can enter from the new changing room at the left corner.
Submitted by Sarlakehsan79 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, it would be beneficial to enhance the introduction and add a concluding sentence to summarize the redevelopment plans.
coherence cohesion
The essay highlights all the key changes accurately, but consider incorporating more linking words and phrases to improve the flow and cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
language
Be careful with minor grammatical errors. For example, "centre part" could be replaced with "central part" for better clarity. This will make your writing more polished.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the major changes and improvements that are planned for the university sports center.
coherence cohesion
The use of comparative language such as "bigger" and "more space" helps to convey the scale of the redevelopment effectively.
logical structure
The structure is logical and information is well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow the planned developments.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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