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Band 3.5

Extreme sports such as sky diving and sking are very dangerous and should be banned.To what extend do you agree or disagree withe this view?

#sports #sky #withe
There are many activities that some
people
 believe can be hazardous and should be banned
such
 as sky diving and skiing. I completely disagree with
this
 idea. It is my view that nowadays
people
 especially juveniles are more interested
to
Change the preposition
in
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 doing exciting sports.
hence
, I think these would be enjoyable activities if
people
 paid attention to do some safety tips.
firstly
, using safe
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
such
 as
helmet
Add an article
a helmet
show examples
 or
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 play area can provide a proper situation for
this
 kind of
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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.
secondly
, once
this
 hobby is presented under the certain rules,
as a result
, many talented humans flourish and gain a lot of
proud
Replace the word
pride
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 for their country with regard to safety rules there is any concern about their health
also
 they can release their energy in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way.
In contrast
, some
people
 claim that extreme
entertainings
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 can
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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risk. they firmly insist that governments should forbid that kind of
entertainings
Fix the agreement mistake
entertaining
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.
moreover
, these can endanger the health of humans.
however
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 do not find
this
 argument convincing as they can enjoy these hobbies under
control
Correct article usage
the control
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 of
safe
Replace the word
safety
show examples
 regulation. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the idea that prohibiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extreme sports because in
this
 way several individuals can enjoy and flourish.
Submitted by boreirikimia on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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