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Band 6

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#students #phones #school
Many people believe that usage of mobile
phones
 at academic institutions ought to be prohibited for students. I
,
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apply
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 agree as much as disagree with
this
 notion. My point of view is justified
further
 with reasons and examples. On the one hand, it may affect academic performance. To elaborate on
this
, cell
phones
 include a myriad of attractive features which influence pupils to use
while
 learning. The entertainment options- games and music can distract them from their lecture in the class.
As a result
, they may not concentrate on their studies and fail their examination.
For instance
, it has been proven from a survey conducted at Oxford University that fifty per cent of learners failed final exams owing to using mobile
phones
 in classrooms
while
 learning.
On the other hand
, some people argue that teenagers should use mobile devices in the coaching centres
this
 is because
,
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apply
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 it may help them to understand better in studies.
This
 means that
,
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apply
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 the advanced
phones
are containing
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
 a plethora of applications that will assist them by providing 3D animation videos of specific concepts. It is true that, in some international tutorial centres tablets
has
Verb problem
are
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 provided to their students so that they can gain knowledge by using them. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance, in Gujarat state, authorities
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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distributed compact mobile gadgets to all the students with inbuilt study material and software. In conclusion, notwithstanding there is one demerit
such
 as it may hinder the academic grades
however
 the merit is that it would be extremely supportive equipment in edification at schools as it has important features that allow individuals to search the information and increase their cognizance.
Submitted by dipendharmani786 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to make the distinction between sides clearer. Use transitions to further differentiate your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the examples used directly and clearly support the points being made. This will strengthen your arguments and provide better clarity.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, indicating agreement and disagreement, which captures the reader's attention well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure and closure to your arguments.
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