IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sports #celebrities
In today’s
society
, it is apparent that celebrities and sports personalities, and others who belong in the entertainment industry are highly paid, while
people
 who
work
 for the greater good like doctors, nurses, teachers etc. are not highly appreciated financially, but
people
 have distinctive views about whether to increase salary for these individuals.
People
 working in the entertainment mostly
work
 to bring flavour into our lives, while in the meantime, bringing like-minded
people
 together, creating diverse social networks in our
society
.
Moreover
, influential characters would
also
 create awareness of social problems in countries, as their opinion might seem more influential in public than that of small organisations,
This
 mainly affects trends,
For example
, a celebrity starts using new technologies to build their house ecologically, a multitude of
people
 would certainly follow their lead.
On the other hand
, there are
people
 working harder to get the same results,
individual
Replace the word
Individuals
show examples
 working in the field of medicine, and education, contribute greatly, and directly to the improvement of our
society
, not just doing what they are asked but they usually
work
 late hours at night or even have to suddenly come back to
work
 in odd hours. The
second
 is especially common for the medical staff when late-night emergencies occur.
Nonetheless
Add a comma
,Nonetheless
show examples
 their direct benefit to
society
 is not usually taken into account, as we just a knowledge them as part of the background,
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 in the time of the pandemic, teachers and doctors contribute daily to
society
, risking their health and their life for the greater good. To conclude, though celebrities and sports personalities can have some beneficial effects, it is close to none in comparison with the direct meaningful effects that individuals working in the education and medical industry have on
society
.
Submitted by DanielYU on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribution
  • essential services
  • long hours
  • stressful
  • well-being
  • development
  • entertain
  • inspire
  • exorbitant salaries
  • unfair
  • talented individuals
  • professions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: