IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (eg. Music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that governments should prioritize public service funding over subsidies for the
arts
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, including music and painting. I completely agree with
this
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 statement, as public
services
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 often have more direct and measurable effects on societies than the
arts
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, which should be funded by private companies. First of all, public
services
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 are likely to generate tangible, positive results on a social scale. The prioritization of public
services
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 means that there are evidently increasing numbers of well-improved public facilities and infrastructure, like schools or hospitals, which eventually leads to higher literacy rates
as well as
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 better healthcare systems, respectively. Those examples are clear indicators of practical success, which soon improves the living standards of all individuals regardless of background and income.
By contrast
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,
although
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 the
arts
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 have certain visible contributions to the national economy, their impacts are of less importance compared to the aforementioned effects of public works
due to
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 their abstract and subjective features.
Secondly
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, private firms should be the major investors in the
arts
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 to reduce the pressure on the state’s budget. To be specific, governments primarily get their budget from taxes, competing from the incomes of private corporations, individuals and the prices of both domestic and imported products.
However
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,
such
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 an enormous amount of money can be considered limited, only adequate for competing priorities, including public facilities for the military.
Therefore
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, the majority of
arts
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 funding should be the responsibility of private companies with a strong interest in art and the ability to be flexible and innovate in their expenditures for advertisements and artists
such
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 as composers or singers. In conclusion, it appears to me that the
arts
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 should receive less funding from governments than public
services
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 because of their less essential impacts on the whole society and their suitability for private companies to alleviate government expenditures.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and addresses all aspects of the prompt well. However, you can improve by adding more specific examples or statistics. This would further demonstrate your points and add depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will make your argument progression more seamless and enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider refining your sentence structures to avoid repetition and to ensure clarity. For instance, some points about the arts' subjectivity could be better streamlined to avoid redundancy.
introduction and conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up your argument by clearly stating your position. This helps in immediately establishing the context and focus of your essay.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with each paragraph clearly supporting your main argument. This enhances readability and comprehension.
introduction and conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your key points and reiterates your position, giving your essay a satisfying and clear ending.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • economic productivity
  • social equity
  • essential resources
  • long-term benefits
  • public health
  • educational attainment
  • public transportation
  • creativity
  • cultural preservation
  • social cohesion
  • indirect economic benefits
  • tourism industry
  • cultural heritage
  • balanced approach
  • well-rounded society
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