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Band 6.5

People in the limelight have a responsibility to set an example for others by their good behavior. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #limelight #responsibility #behavior
In
this
 day and age, it is a common belief that
celebrities
 should be in charge of setting a good example for other
people
 to follow. From my perspective, I partly concur with
this
 view. On the one hand,
people
 who are in the limelight had better pay attention to their impeccable behaviour seriously because not only can they inspire numerous individuals but they are
also
 revered by various admirers worldwide. First and foremost, the exemplary behaviour of
celebrities
 may be believed to have a profound impact on their enthusiasts’ activities.
For instance
, when a prominent figure gets involved in charitable activities with a view to helping
the
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disadvantaged
people
, it can raise their fans' awareness of joining hands to help other
people
.
Therefore
, it is a great opportunity for them to make an enormous contribution to the development of societies.
Besides
, it may be
also
 uttermost pivotal for a famous person to take their behaviour into consideration immensely since they are always taken notice of by numerous individuals in general and aficionados
in particular
. Indeed,
celebrities
 may be admired enormously and copied by various fans, which is why only a minimal fault can
also
 put them at higher risk of coming under rigorous criticism.
On the other hand
, the only thing the public forgets is that superstars may be
also
 human beings so they have the right to make mistakes
due to
 their lack of maturity in their career ladder.
Therefore
, the public should be willing to forgive their fault to give
the
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celebrities
 a chance to compensate for their mistakes. Indeed, there are numerous prominent figures who may resort to suicide to put an end to their lives because they are no longer courageous enough to suffer from the escalation of social preconceptions. In conclusion, I enunciate the idea that it is indispensable for each individual to make judgements towards the renowned person objectively.
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task response
Your essay demonstrates a partial understanding of the task. You have provided some relevant points, but there is a lack of depth and coherence in your arguments. To improve, be sure to fully address all aspects of the question and support your points with specific examples and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally understandable. However, your arguments lack coherence and cohesion as they do not fully develop or relate to one another. Aim to improve the connection between your ideas and ensure a clear flow of information throughout your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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