IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The economy plays a vital role in a
country
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.
While
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 some believe that economic progress is the most important factor in a
country
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, others argue that other developments are essential as well.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and arrive at my own conclusion. In
this
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 highly materialistic society, economic status is the decisive element in a
country
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. It is widely agreed that economic progress is the priority of nations. One of the most significant reasons is that a majority of wealthy countries have well-developed social welfare and
this
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 can make a considerable impact on the population by enhancing people's lives.
Furthermore
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, countries emphasizing economic growth the most
also
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 have great safety because their governments are allowed to allocate more budgets to police departments.
Therefore
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, the life quality of the general public and their security can be satisfied.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 other aspects that should be equally considered as an important cornerstone of a thriving
country
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. It is undeniable that economic progress can influence the operation of a
country
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 but what is noteworthy is that technology and education development are
also
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 the benchmark of people's lives. With the widespread availability of technology, people can utilize inventions like the Internet to complete their work remotely.
Moreover
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, education systems can foster talented youngsters and make a
country
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 more competitive on the stage of global. In conclusion, it is evident that prioritizing the advancement of the economy can benefit a
country
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 but there are
also
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 other important dimensions that are worth noticing. From my perspective, governments should essentially strike a delicate balance between developments.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. It's essential to not only present arguments for both perspectives clearly but also to maintain a strong connection between them.
Coherence & Cohesion
To receive a higher score in logical structure, develop a stronger thread that connects the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next with clear cohesive devices.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support each main point with specific and relevant examples and details. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments, enhancing the overall persuasion of the essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task prompt, ensuring a balanced discussion of both views in addition to providing a clear personal opinion.
Task Achievement
Expand on the ideas presented to further demonstrate the ability to discuss issues comprehensively. This can take the form of more detailed explanations or additional examples that align with your argument.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of specific examples to illustrate your points. General statements are less compelling than those supported by clear, concrete evidence or instances.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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