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Band 3

Some people say that advanced technology can prevent most crimes. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #crimes
In
Recent
Fix capitalization
recent
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 times, both
technology
 and crimes
are being rising
Change the verb form
are being risen
are rising
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 at a high speed. It is evident from the growth in crime rate and new inventions in
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
. Though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 is advancing day by day it has nothing to do with controlling illegal activities. In
this
 essay,
i
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I
show examples
 will discuss both
pro's
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pros
show examples
 and
con's
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cons
show examples
 to support my opinion.
Firstly
, Most of the crimes occur physically
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 nothing to do
virtual
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with virtual
show examples
 things.
For instance
, at many gatherings, people with different opinions quarrel and in some cases it leads to murders. in
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 the role of
technology
 to control the violence is null.
Similarly
, when people are drunk they sexually assault women and expose them to physical violence to a great extent. Here the mindset after drinking has the sole responsibility
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 the illegal things.
On the contrary
, in some cases
technology
 can be used to track or trace the location of the victim but it would be helpful only when the policemen reach the spot before the crime occurs. In many cases, tracking the location and reaching there would be a time-consuming process. To sum it up, the physical
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
 and crime
has
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have
show examples
 very little or nothing to do with advancement in
technology
 as most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the crimes happen when people are physically together.
Submitted by arepallyvamshika on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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