IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#society #numbers #people
Nowadays, the health quality is improving considerably and for
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 the life expectations are getting higher,
in other
words
Add the comma(s)
,words
show examples
 people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 living longer and the society is the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 to take
care
 of the ancients.
This
 essay will discuss if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is prepared to do it and the most adequate method to do it.
Firstly
, I consider it is evident that our community is not ready to manage the increment of elderly people, despite it sounds
unsensitive
Correct your spelling
insensitive
 as well as depressing, it is a reality and an example of
this
 is the number of major adults abandoned on the streets or isolated in clinics or aged
care
 with no visits form their families. why? Because they
are seem
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 just like a problem, they are not productive anymore and so are unnecessary for us.
For example
, in countries like
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
 one of the most critical industries with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of employees is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Change the verb form
aged
show examples
care
, the people do not even want to work
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that age because it means too much work for inequivalent salaries.
Hence
, to improve
this
 situation I suggest two alternatives, both
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same importance.
First
, enrich relationships with our older relatives
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 encourage families to offer their support acknowledging their effort to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 us.
Second
 and in charge of the government, estipulate better incomes and incentives for professionals who develop
care
 activities
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 for these ages,
thus
, the workers will be enough for the demand.
For instance
, if individuals willing to work in
this
 industry get better economic conditions, sponsored education, and easier procedures to migrate they will feel more motivated and with enough reasons to perform
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their job. to conclude, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 our society is not ready to assume the
care
 of old adults due to the
persoective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 that we have of them,
that is
 why modifications on families dynamics and benefits for carers
are urgently need
Change the verb form
are urgently needed
show examples
.
Submitted by gabrielapineros on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: