IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some old customs and traditions are not useful presently, so should be given up. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reason and explain them with examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#customs #traditions #reason
No doubt, the world is changing at a rapid pace, and it is often witnessed that many traditional values and customs have no practicability in the present
time
;
hence
, there is no need to continue
such
 practices. I completely
withstand
Verb problem
understand
show examples
this
 viewpoint.
This
 essay shall delve into details and present my opinion.
To begin
, it is reasonable to expect people to discontinue
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 old traditions as it is nothing more than a waste of energy and
time
. The fact is that, with the advent of technology, the use of machines has grown exponentially. Many jobs that used to be done manually in earlier times are being done with machines.
For instance
, it was a common tradition in my country for girls to learn the skill of stitching and knitting to be able to stitch traditional clothes for family members.
However
, today, the majority prefer wearing ready-to-wear and fashionable
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 clothes
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the conventional
attires
Fix the agreement mistake
attire
show examples
due to
 globalization. Understandably, there is nothing wrong
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 discontinuing
this
 old tradition.
In addition
, with
time
, the role of genders and family members has changed. Earlier, women were supposed to do domestic chores and were not given the opportunity to attain education.
However
, today, it is a daunting task to manage family expenses with one income;
therefore
, the woman has to go out for work, and in turn, the man has to assist her in managing the household. Admittedly, the old customs do not hold ground anymore.
To conclude
, I would like to restate that every tradition has
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 own value, but, it fades with
time
 and often
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 obsolete with
time
.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, there is nothing wrong
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 discontinuing the ones that do not withstand the changing
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Submitted by Shabanraza489 on

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task response
Good job in presenting a clear opinion and providing relevant examples. However, ensure that all points are directly related to the prompt and that the examples provided are well-developed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and coherent. Some transitions could be improved to enhance overall cohesion. Consider using a wider range of linking words for smoother transitions between ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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