IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disavantages

The use of social
media
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 to connect with relatives and stay updated on current events has become common for many
people
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 around the world.
However
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, I do not believe that using social
media
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 every day brings more advantages than disadvantages. One major drawback is that the
time
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 we spend on social
media
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 may reduce both the quantity and quality of
time
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 we have with
people
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 in real life — often the very
people
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 who matter most. Online interactions often demand high attention, causing us to become distracted from our surroundings.
For example
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, we may want to check in on a close friend who now lives far away. But at the same
time
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, we have our own daily responsibilities and real-life interactions. The same applies to
people
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 on social
media
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 — they, too, have lives and
people
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 they need to attend to.
Therefore
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, checking on our relatives online once a week, or even less frequently, might be more than enough.
In addition
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, we cannot control the type of
news
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 we encounter on social
media
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 — whether it is positive or negative. Consuming
news
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 every day may lead to emotional overwhelm. Over
time
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,
this
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 accumulated stress can affect our mood and mental functioning. To maintain our mental well-being, it may be healthier to limit
news
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 consumption. Reading the
news
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 once every few days does not mean we are apathetic about the world — it simply means we are taking care of our emotional health. In conclusion, checking social
media
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 daily to stay in touch with others and keep up with the
news
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 may bring more harm than good. Reducing the frequency of use can help us stay more connected to real life and protect our mental health.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a counterargument to strengthen your overall position. This could enhance your task response by showing awareness of differing viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each main point is clearly connected to your thesis statement. While your points are logical, clearer transitions could help reinforce your arguments.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments. This will make your ideas more persuasive and enhance the clarity of your response.
Structure
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position, providing a solid framing for your essay.
Content
Your essay presents clear main points and supports them logically, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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