You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers

Nowadays,

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

system keeps accelerating.

Therefore

, our society needs to take more

care

of our

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population. The question of whether our society can handle the rising figures of elderly

people

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

still concerning. For me,

although

our governments have tried to solve

this

problem, they still need more plans to manage

this

issue.

First

of all, since technology advanced at the same time, we can use technology devices to help us surveillance the

health

situation of elderly

people

. Specifically, doctors or family members can use electronic devices

such

smart

Correct your spelling

smartwatch

show examples

watch

Fix the agreement mistake

watches

show examples

to help monitor the heart rate, the oxygen rate in

blood

Correct article usage

the blood

show examples

, and the breath rate of old

people

For example

, it is dangerous for

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

people

suffering a serious fall, but with

Add an article

a smart

the smart

show examples

smart watch

Correct your spelling

smartwatch

show examples

, it can help call the ambulance or inform other family members to help.

Moreover

, since more and more

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

devorced

Correct your spelling

divorced

after their kids are mature enough to leave the home,

single

Add an article

the single

show examples

elderly population has skyrocketed in the past decades.

This

means that governments should take more

care

of elderly

poeple's

Correct your spelling

people's

mental

health

. Fortunately,

this

problem can be solved by providing some parties

between

Change preposition

for

show examples

single elderly population or by building

organisaions

Correct your spelling

organisations

which can help

caring

Change the verb form

to care

show examples

these

people

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

Last

but not least, because most of the jobs in

elderly

Add an article

the elderly

show examples

care

system are not well-paid, many publics

reluctant

Add a missing verb

are reluctant

show examples

to become a member to help old

people

In particular

this

makes the

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

supply in

this

field always scarce. The solution is that governments can set the wage floor for

this

industry. As the result, workers would be more willing to work in

this

field and maintain their life quality at the same time. To sum up, since

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

system has been improved, taking

care

of elderly

people

becomes an important issue.

Nevertheless

this

can be

Correct your spelling

overcome

overcomed

Correct your spelling

overcome

show examples

by cautious plans and actions from our authorities.

Submitted by vivian.88610 on Fri Apr 29 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

311 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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