IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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Nowadays,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the health
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 system keeps accelerating.
Therefore
Linking Words
, our society needs to take more
care
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 of our
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 population. The question of whether our society can handle the rising figures of elderly
people
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 still concerning. For me,
although
Linking Words
 our governments have tried to solve
this
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 problem, they still need more plans to manage
this
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 issue.
First
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 of all, since technology advanced at the same time, we can use technology devices to help us surveillance the
health
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 situation of elderly
people
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. Specifically, doctors or family members can use electronic devices
such
Linking Words
 as
smart
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smartwatch
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watch
Fix the agreement mistake
watches
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 to help monitor the heart rate, the oxygen rate in
blood
Correct article usage
the blood
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, and the breath rate of old
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, it is dangerous for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
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 suffering a serious fall, but with
Add an article
a smart
the smart
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smart watch
Correct your spelling
smartwatch
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, it can help call the ambulance or inform other family members to help.
Moreover
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, since more and more
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
devorced
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divorced
 after their kids are mature enough to leave the home,
single
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the single
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 elderly population has skyrocketed in the past decades.
This
Linking Words
 means that governments should take more
care
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 of elderly
poeple's
Correct your spelling
people's
 mental
health
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. Fortunately,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by providing some parties
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
 single elderly population or by building
organisaions
Correct your spelling
organisations
 which can help
caring
Change the verb form
to care
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 these
people
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everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, because most of the jobs in
elderly
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the elderly
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care
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 system are not well-paid, many publics
reluctant
Add a missing verb
are reluctant
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 to become a member to help old
people
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.
In particular
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,
this
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 makes the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 supply in
this
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 field always scarce. The solution is that governments can set the wage floor for
this
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 industry. As the result, workers would be more willing to work in
this
Linking Words
 field and maintain their life quality at the same time. To sum up, since
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 system has been improved, taking
care
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 of elderly
people
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 becomes an important issue.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be
Correct your spelling
overcome
overcomed
Correct your spelling
overcome
show examples
 by cautious plans and actions from our authorities.
Submitted by vivian.88610 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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