IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time.This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 are
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the job sector.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the adult
generation
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 think,
Use synonyms
youngsters
Add the comma(s)
,youngsters
show examples
 need to engage
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some voluntary
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in social community, when they get free time after their studies or work. Especially, some
people
Use synonyms
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 unpaid
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 would
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
 for young
people
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 and modern society.I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will explain, the main advantages can get by the social
activities
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with nowadays,
youngsters
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 are
exhausting
Wrong verb form
exhausted
show examples
 due to their loads of study
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and other things. Whenever
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they attend to do voluntary work, I believe it would be able to develop their good qualities. Particularly, teenagers become more responsible and sociable citizens rather than others. Especially, they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to improve skills
such
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 as
problem solving
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problem-solving
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, cooperation with others, helping
people
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 so on.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 UK survey shows, that every year UK universities conducted old
people
Use synonyms
 caring program for
Linking Words
Add a hyphen
first-year
show examples
first year
Add a hyphen
first-year
show examples
 students
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 vacation time.
This
Linking Words
 survey proves
youngsters
Use synonyms
 have developed qualities like loving, sharing, caring and optimism towards others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it would more advantageous for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
generation
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 because they can get space to prove their dedication and
involment
Correct your spelling
involvement
 in
this
Linking Words
 voluntary
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
also
Linking Words
 benefit
through
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
Linking Words
. Wherever
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 are our future
generation
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 and who involve these voluntary
activities
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,
this
Linking Words
 increasingly effective and
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for society. It helps to reduce crimes and other criminal
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as burglaries, car thefts,
child
Correct word choice
and child
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 trafficking. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 volunteers become sociable they become aware of
this
Linking Words
 harassment and try to decline these issues by getting
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 steps.
For example
Linking Words
, In 2000, Sri Lanka
mainly
Add a missing verb
was mainly
show examples
 affected by
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 rates of
raoes
Correct your spelling
rates
races
 and mainly sexual
harresments
Correct your spelling
harassment
harassments
. When
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 environment
begin
Change the verb form
begins
show examples
 to teach about these issues
as a result
Linking Words
 it is becoming low rates still now. In conclusion, in my perspective ,
youngsters
Use synonyms
 should want to cooperate in voluntary work in their
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 because
definitely
Add a comma
,definitely
show examples
 it may help them to progress their personality skills while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 society
also
Linking Words
 attain merits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, If
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 view for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 tomorrow, admittedly, they involve
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these social
activities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by skrodrigo030 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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