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Band 4.5

In many countries the amount of crimes is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crimes #crime
Hungery
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Hungary
Hungry
Hunger
 of power and money have been fueled the
people
 to engage in crimes. different studies have provided indicators to measure
viloance
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violence
 activities and rate counties on a scale of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 safety level. These scales have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 economy if it has
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 rating.
Hence
, it is crucial to understand the root causes of crimes in order to generate preventive measures. If a
country
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have a strong legal body,
people
 will act according to their
Correct your spelling
free will
show examples
freewill
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free will
show examples
.
Hence
,
people
 do not obey the rules and regulations if
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
punished
Change the verb form
punish
show examples
people
 who misbehave. In
this
 kind of
senario
Correct your spelling
scenario
, society is not fear to engage in robberies, murders and rape someone.
On the other hand
,
corruped
Correct your spelling
corrupted
corrupt
 governments have more power, which they use to control
people
 using
black market
Add a hyphen
black-market
show examples
 activities.
Moreover
, they can flex the law according to their motives so humans who are engaged in
brutial
Correct your spelling
brutal
 causes are not fear of going to jail.
furthmore
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furthermore
, inadequate education at
young
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a young
show examples
 age and lack of awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of disobeying a law has plummeted the crime rates in a
country
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past Nigeria had high crime rates because of political advantages and weak regulations. It is important to strategically restructure
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 governing body as a prevention method. Using mass media to improve the awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 punishments, increase jail
sentance
Correct your spelling
sentence
sentences
 and
also
 not
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 bails for
henious
Correct your spelling
heinous
 crimes. Most
improtantly
Correct your spelling
importantly
,
court
Add an article
the court
a court
show examples
 should be an independent body without any
mediaters
Correct your spelling
mediators
mediator
. In conclusion, it is important to be bounded by laws to have a secure life.
On the other hand
,
country
's can be developed if they have
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 crime
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
.
Submitted by randyrush on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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