IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries the amount of crimes is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crimes #crime
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Hungery
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Hungary
Hungry
Hunger
 of power and money have been fueled the
people
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 to engage in crimes. different studies have provided indicators to measure
viloance
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violence
 activities and rate counties on a scale of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 safety level. These scales have
negative
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a negative
show examples
 impact on
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 economy if it has
low
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a low
show examples
 rating.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is crucial to understand the root causes of crimes in order to generate preventive measures. If a
country
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have a strong legal body,
people
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 will act according to their
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free will
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freewill
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free will
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
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 do not obey the rules and regulations if
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
punished
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punish
show examples
people
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 who misbehave. In
this
Linking Words
 kind of
senario
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scenario
, society is not fear to engage in robberies, murders and rape someone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
corruped
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corrupted
corrupt
 governments have more power, which they use to control
people
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 using
black market
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black-market
show examples
 activities.
Moreover
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, they can flex the law according to their motives so humans who are engaged in
brutial
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brutal
 causes are not fear of going to jail.
furthmore
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furthermore
, inadequate education at
young
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a young
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 age and lack of awareness
on
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of
show examples
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of disobeying a law has plummeted the crime rates in a
country
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. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past Nigeria had high crime rates because of political advantages and weak regulations. It is important to strategically restructure
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 governing body as a prevention method. Using mass media to improve the awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 punishments, increase jail
sentance
Correct your spelling
sentence
sentences
 and
also
Linking Words
 not
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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 bails for
henious
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heinous
 crimes. Most
improtantly
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importantly
,
court
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the court
a court
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 should be an independent body without any
mediaters
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mediators
mediator
. In conclusion, it is important to be bounded by laws to have a secure life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
's can be developed if they have
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 crime
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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