IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more young people are moving around a lot as they grow up, living in different countries and experiencing different cultures. Some people see this as positive, helping a person be more cosmopolitan. Others worry that it leads to a person having no identity.

#people #countries #cultures #person #identity
In the 21st century, more and more people immigrate from their homeland and are forced to face the difficulties of changing
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. Being more open-minded and being able to get through the challenges that are thrown in your face, will help with adapting faster. The question here is will
this
 situation help people be more cosmopolitan, is
this
 change positive? s far as I am concerned, travelling and living in other countries helps a
person
 to become more informed about the world beyond his boundaries of understanding.
Also
, with moving from place to place
one
 is put in a situation where he must understand other cultures so there won't be any misunderstanding and not be seen as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rude and ignorant. A young
person
that is
 willing to experience other cultures and learn and develop new languages will have bigger chances in future workspaces.
On the other hand
, moving away could be dangerous in
one
 aspect and melancholic in other.
Furthermore
, in an unexplored space with no familiar ,faces a
person
 could be an easy target for robbery, burglary and even greater danger.
This
 is
one
 downfall that everyone should be prepared to face and be ready to overcome. More, a
person
 with weak mental health could easily close themselves because of homesickness. Missing your homeland and your family and friends in times of changes and difficulties is not an easy thing to overcome. It seems to me, that every change in our lives has both sides of the coin. It is in our hands whether we choose to fall apart or bring our heads up and see the good in our faces. Travelling, meeting new people, and learning new cultures and languages are experiences that not everyone has and are going really to change
one
's life in a positive way.
Submitted by taniadim74 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: