IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

First impressions are important. Some people think that doing well in interviews is the key to securing a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #impressions #people #interviews #job
It is argued that first impression in interviews is the most significant factor that guarantees a decent career.
While
 I believe that it plays an integral role in drawing employers' attention, it isn't the key to the security of a
job
, as there are other significant factors regarding
this
. On the one hand, the first impression in an
interview
 can be influential to gain a
job
,
due to
 making an instant judgment and assumption about someone but it can't be the cause of preserving that position. The
interview
 is a way in order to evaluate a person who wants to take status in a company.
Firstly
, the evaluation during
this
 phase includes the look and outfit of a participant to know how it is important for him to obtain
this
 career.
Secondly
, some questions have been asked to measure the individuals' initial knowledge and desire for the position.
As a result
, the
Interview
 is a stage in which we can show we are fit
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 status through effective eye contact, body language, and some information about the company and its aims.
On the other hand
, unlike first impressions, two major features have determined the security of an occupation. One of these is being responsible which can be represented by doing tasks on time without defects and being hard-work.
Also
, critical thinking and problem-solving in difficult circumstances are essential which demonstrate individuals' mastery over their liabilities.
That is
 why big businesses usually contract for one month with their employees and after that decide whether to maintain them or not.
In other words
, throughout
this
 period workers are monitored by executives or experts and they should convince executives that their choices can impact positively on sharpening the quality of products and revenue as well. In conclusion, despite the significance of initial judgment through
interview
 which isn't a determiner to guarantee a good
job
, the key is representing ourselves as a responsible and professional person whose
job
 is our priority.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion, it can be further improved by maintaining a stronger focus on task response. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence which relates directly to the question, followed by expansion, explanation, and example where appropriate to align closely with the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates good use of logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs, which helps with coherence. To strengthen the cohesion, employ a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly, and ensure pronoun reference is clear to avoid ambiguity. Pay attention to paragraphing, so that each central idea is explored fully and transitions between paragraphs are seamless.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • First impressions
  • Interviews
  • Securing
  • Communication
  • Preparation
  • Research
  • Performance
  • Qualifications
  • Confidence
  • Body language
  • Networking
  • Recommendations
  • Follow-up
  • Technology
  • Social media
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