IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy for them. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #pets #children
Some people claim that having a pet is beneficial for kids.
However
, others disagree with
this
 view and believe that having
pets
 can be harmful. I totally disagree with
this
 statement, as in my thinking domesticating animals is an opportunity for
children
 to create memories, developing their sense of
responsibility
 and respect.
Moreover
, living with cats or dogs is a way of making their immunologic
system
 stronger.
To begin
 with, domesticated animals can be one of the most effective
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 of creating
childhood
 memories or teaching
responsibility
 to
children
. Both dog and cat, are usually funny and play with
children
 daily making her
childhood
 unforgivable.
Moreover
,
pets
 demands from their tutor a bunch of duties
such
 as feeding, walking and grooming and these activities can be, under the supervision of parents, share with
children
 developing their
responsibility
.
In addition
, respect and empathy are fundamental feelings for living with
pets
, as their behaviour is different from humans. Moving to the
second
 reason why parents should consider having
pets
 is that some research shows that
children
 who grow up in homes with
pets
 are likely to have a stronger immune
system
 and less likely to develop
childhood
 allergies and asthma. Since they spend time with animals their immunologic
system
 learned how to be more resistant to certain types of disorders.
Consequently
, they have fewer days off school. To conclude, in my opinion having
pets
 is one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 of living a
childhood
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
 can learn about
responsibility
 and respect in a different context.
Furthermore
, the immunologic
system
 might be stronger.
Submitted by raquel.santosprudente on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: