IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#education #healthcare #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With
this
Linking Words
 letter, I would like to express my motivation to study in Canada in the Fall of 2022. Recently, I have been accepted to the full-time course-based Master of eHealth
program
Use synonyms
 offered by the University of McMaster. The
program
Use synonyms
 spans 24 months, starting on September 1st 2022. According to the
program
Use synonyms
 director, the coursed-based full-time students will need to complete 5 semesters to graduate. The eHealth Master
program
Use synonyms
 includes an 8-month co-op internship as a mandatory requirement for completing the degree. During
this
Linking Words
 time, I am expected to work full-time
around
Change preposition
for around
show examples
 37,5 hours per week. Academic and Professional background I graduated in 2014 with a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree in doctor of dental surgery
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2014
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Cantho University of Medicine and Pharmacy, Vietnam. After graduation, I worked as a community
health
Use synonyms
 worker and dental clinician at a local medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Can Tho city, Vietnam for 4 years from 2014 to 2018. In 2018, I was awarded a
full ride
Add a hyphen
full-ride
show examples
 scholarship from the Danish government including
full
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
 tuition fee waiver and
monthly
Correct article usage
a monthly
show examples
 stipend
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 1.100 CAD for my
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 in Public
Health
Use synonyms
 at the University of Southern Denmark. During my study, I volunteered to work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
health
Use synonyms
 innovation conference
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Odense, Denmark as an event coordinator. Through
this
Linking Words
, I had a chance to learn from many speakers and companies about their digital care products
such
Linking Words
 as the use of
Add an article
a drone
the drone
show examples
drone
Fix the agreement mistake
drones
show examples
 to deliver medicine in remote areas or the application of virtual reality to help
Alzheimer
Change noun form
Alzheimer's
show examples
 patients to recover their memory. I was inspired and felt very interested in
this
Linking Words
 area as
technology
Use synonyms
 has unfolded many potentials to help resolve complex issues in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
 sector. In my
second
Linking Words
 year, I was admitted to a talent
program
Use synonyms
 called the citizen science talent
program
Use synonyms
 and worked on a digital
health
Use synonyms
project
Use synonyms
 called
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 in
smart
Add an article
a smart
the smart
show examples
 city. In
this
Linking Words
project
Use synonyms
, my group discovered how
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 in Denmark used
technology
Use synonyms
 to overcome
health
Use synonyms
 issues during the covid 19 lockdown. The result has strengthened the advantages of using
technology
Use synonyms
 in healthcare and indicated a high
technology
Use synonyms
 literacy among elderly participants. After graduation, I collaborated with a start-up company in Copenhagen as a medical advisor and researcher in the research and development team to work on a digital
health
Use synonyms
project
Use synonyms
 about developing a wearable device that helps monitor patients with chronic lung diseases remotely. I feel very fascinated
about
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
project
Use synonyms
 and it has nurtured my strong interest in
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 area. As a medical professional and researcher, I do not possess a strong
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technical
show examples
 knowledge and I.T related skills,
therefore
Linking Words
, I have faced numerous challenges when working in the
health
Use synonyms
 informatics field and I believe that taking a professional
program
Use synonyms
 in
health
Use synonyms
 informatics will be an optimal choice to excel in
this
Linking Words
 area.
Submitted by npanhtuan09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: