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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays see a counselor or therapist to improve their mental health. Some feel, however, that this is unnecessary. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #counselor #therapist #health #feel
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In the modern era, it is generally acknowledged that visiting a
counselor
Change the spelling
counsellor
show examples
 or therapist is integral in order to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 personal mental
health
Use synonyms
. Opinions are divided over whether it is necessary or not.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline why they support each
sides
Change to a singular noun
side
show examples
 and suggest my opinion. On the one hand, as a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from hectic schedules in contemporary society, they do not have enough time
allocate
Fix the infinitive
to allocate
show examples
 to
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 psychological
health
Use synonyms
 unless they have physical symptoms. The public tends to neglect their mental
health
Use synonyms
 since some minor mental issues have no signs in one’s body.
Moreover
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, having a conversation with a
counselor
Change the spelling
counsellor
show examples
 or healer is priceless as it is measured per time.
For example
Linking Words
, recent media in Korea reports that the average
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 fee per
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hour is almost 100 dollars, and
therefore
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 give up taking
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
. As the example clearly illustrates, the expensive fee of maintaining mental
health
Use synonyms
 plays a key factor in giving up managing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psychological
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, not only can minor mental problems bring about serious mental illnesses, but they
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
also
Linking Words
 contribute to
burn-out
Add an article
the burn-out
a burn-out
show examples
 syndrome, thereby leading to major physical
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as lethargy. A survey conducted by the Korea Nurse Institution has revealed that almost 70% of nurses have experienced burn-out syndrome as they do not have enough time to meet a
counselor
Change the spelling
counsellor
show examples
.
Hence
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should admin their mental condition in order to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious symptom.
Furthermore
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, an individual’s psychological instability affects families, friends and coworkers as well as the individual.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is a one family member who has depression can spread negative
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
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 among whole family members.
Therefore
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, each person should manage his mood before he
ruin
Change the verb form
ruins
show examples
 everyone. In conclusion, while I accept that
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 can sometimes be expensive, I would say that
people
Use synonyms
 should check their mental condition often to prevent irreparable illnesses
such
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 as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia as once the illnesses occur, it is hard to maintain and it costs more money to treat them.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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