Many people nowadays see a counselor or therapist to improve their mental health. Some feel, however, that this is unnecessary. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #counselor #therapist #health #feel

In the modern era, it is generally acknowledged that visiting a

counselor

Change the spelling

counsellor

show examples

or therapist is integral in order to

enhance

Wrong verb form

enhancing

show examples

personal mental

health

. Opinions are divided over whether it is necessary or not.

This

essay will outline why they support each

sides

Change to a singular noun

side

show examples

and suggest my opinion. On the one hand, as a significant number of

people

suffer from hectic schedules in contemporary society, they do not have enough time

allocate

Fix the infinitive

to allocate

show examples

maintaining

Wrong verb form

maintain

show examples

psychological

health

unless they have physical symptoms. The public tends to neglect their mental

health

since some minor mental issues have no signs in one’s body.

Moreover

, having a conversation with a

counselor

Change the spelling

counsellor

show examples

or healer is priceless as it is measured per time.

For example

, recent media in Korea reports that the average

counseling

Change the spelling

counselling

show examples

fee per

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

hour is almost 100 dollars, and

therefore

many

people

give up taking

counseling

Change the spelling

counselling

show examples

. As the example clearly illustrates, the expensive fee of maintaining mental

health

plays a key factor in giving up managing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

psychological

health

On the other hand

, not only can minor mental problems bring about serious mental illnesses, but they

Correct your spelling

may

show examples

Correct your spelling

may

show examples

also

contribute to

burn-out

Add an article

the burn-out

a burn-out

show examples

syndrome, thereby leading to major physical

health

problems

such

as lethargy. A survey conducted by the Korea Nurse Institution has revealed that almost 70% of nurses have experienced burn-out syndrome as they do not have enough time to meet a

counselor

Change the spelling

counsellor

show examples

Hence

people

should admin their mental condition in order to prevent

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

serious symptom.

Furthermore

, an individual’s psychological instability affects families, friends and coworkers as well as the individual.

For instance

, if there is a one family member who has depression can spread negative

mood

Fix the agreement mistake

moods

show examples

among whole family members.

Therefore

, each person should manage his mood before he

ruin

Change the verb form

ruins

show examples

everyone. In conclusion, while I accept that

counseling

Change the spelling

counselling

show examples

fee

Fix the agreement mistake

fees

show examples

can sometimes be expensive, I would say that

people

should check their mental condition often to prevent irreparable illnesses

such

as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia as once the illnesses occur, it is hard to maintain and it costs more money to treat them.

Submitted by hiasince38 on Thu May 05 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people nowadays see a counselor or therapist to improve their mental health. Some feel, however, that this is unnecessary. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Today many young people spend too much of thier free time at shopping malls.This can be considered negative for young people and society generally.To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to Job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of Job satisfaction for all workers?

An increasing number of professional such as doctor and teacher are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. what problem does this cause and what are the solutions?

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?