There is an increasing trend of old people living longer in many countries around the world. Do you think this has a positive or a negative effect on the population as a whole?
Nowadays, a general trend has been observed that
aged
population tend to live longer than usual Correct article usage
the aged
due to
better health facilities and advanced medical sciences. Some people
opine that this
has a positive impact on the general community whereas
, some believe that it has a detrimental effect. I personally agree with the former statement because it implies that science has improved over the years
and humankind has played a major role in it.
Earlier, the average age of humans were
approximately fifty Change the verb form
was
years
but due to
the efforts of human
, healthcare has now come leaps and bounds which is why Fix the agreement mistake
humans
people
now live for more than seventy years
. Therefore
, the number of elderly community has increased since
the past Change preposition
in
years
. They can make a lot of difference for others living around the world because they have lived their lives and therefore
can act as a torch to guide the young generation deal
with certain circumstances better.
Fix the infinitive
to deal
Moreover
, they act as a source of inspiration for the remaining crowd. For instance
, people
who started their own business
and have children to inherit can be better directed by them. Children can learn from their mistakes and avoid making them in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
Such
small instances make a bigger difference in making any country gain financial advantages.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvatages
of Correct your spelling
disadvantages
people
living longer like it is gives
Change the verb form
gives
an
immense pressure on resources, Correct article usage
apply
new
generation can Add an article
a new
the new
also
become dependent on the old age community and may not be responsible the way they should be. However
, there are a lot of benefits that outweighs
the drawbacks.
Change the verb form
outweigh
To conclude
, when the elder
population live for a longer duration it has a positive impact on other Correct word choice
elderly
people
living
because they act as Verb problem
apply
a
role Correct article usage
apply
model
for them.Fix the agreement mistake
models
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, but it could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you mention that elderly people can guide the younger generation, but providing a concrete example would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good overall, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages could be more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well. Ensure you summarize your main points briefly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets out the topic and your position on it, which immediately engages the reader.
task achievement
You have made efforts to support your points with explanations, making your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is concluded effectively, summarizing your stance and reiterating the positive impact of an elderly population.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.