IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people spend a lot of money attending cultural or sports events. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

#people #money #sports #events
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Cultural and
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 are mostly attended by
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of folks , and by doing so they tend to invest
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of their
money
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
, I strongly recommend the idea of spending
money
Use synonyms
Change preposition
on
show examples
Cultural or rather
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
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 because they are
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of
entertainment
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where
Correct your spelling
whereby
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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tend
Add the particle
totend
show examples
 enjoy themselves and
also
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 during the
events
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, individuals interact with one another
hence
Linking Words
 creating a platform for socialisation.
First
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 and foremost, with the current economy
Add a comma
,
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it is hard
Add the particle
to go
show examples
Correct your spelling
to
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go
Correct your spelling
to
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 get anything for free.
This
Linking Words
 applies as well in
Use synonyms
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 field
where
Correct your spelling
whereby
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the more one pays the more fun they have. To explain
further
Linking Words
, during cultural or
sports
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event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 they do offer various entertainments that are charged as per
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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capability,
therefore
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 those who pay more tend to have more fun unlike those who pay less.
For instance
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, a research was done by Kenyatta university students in the year 2002 and showed that culture or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 that many folks have paid
Change the article
a
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lot of
money
Use synonyms
tend
Change preposition
for tend
show examples
 to be more fun because they do offer various forms of
entertainment
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 .
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
oder
Correct your spelling
order
 for
people
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 to get more
entertainment
Use synonyms
Add a comma
,
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they have
put
Fix the infinitive
to put
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 more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 financially .
Secondly
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, cultural or
sports
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activities
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 are not only places where humans go to play games and learn more about culture but
also
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 create a forum for socialising.
By allocating
Change preposition
Allocating
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money
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 for attending the
events
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 will definitely pay
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
owing the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 will get a chance to interact during the ceremonies. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, on
Correct article usage
the
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22 of
Capitalize the word
May
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may
Correct your spelling
my
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 2020 daily
news paper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
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 , there was a report by a
sclora
Correct your spelling
sclera
 that stated that 70% of human beings who attends cultural
activities
Use synonyms
 that they have financial invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
end up making long term friendships.
Thus
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, allocating funds for attending
sports
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 or cultural
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
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 will
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
one to mingle with other folks . In conclusion, spending funds on cultural and sporting
events
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 should be normalised . Henceforth, I reckon it is a positive idea to invest
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cultural and sporting
activities
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 since the
activities
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 are
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of
entertainment
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 to humans and
also
Linking Words
 during
such
Linking Words
events
Use synonyms
Add a comma
,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 connect with both new and old friends.
Submitted by jepchumbad on

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