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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are woking increasingly longer hours. What are reasons for this? Is it a positive or a negative effect.

In today's rapid and highly advanced society, spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of our time
in
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apply
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working has become
common place
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commonplace
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 across the globe. I believe the reason
of
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for
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this
Linking Words
 trend can come down (involve) to two factors that are economic and cultural pressure.
Moreover
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, the phenomenon
working
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of working
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 for longer hours is certainly unsustainable for both individuals and the entire society. To commence with, economic and cultural factors are the main reasons that drive
people
Use synonyms
 to work for more than regular hours.
Firstly
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, as urbanization develops, youngsters are more tend to take chances in bigger cities, where the living cost can be extremely high.
Therefore
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, in order to meet their daily wants and
needs
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,needs
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 these
people
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 must work for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 duration
in
Change preposition
of
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 a day to earn more money.
Secondly
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, in some economically thriving countries, their societies have witnessed an ongoing trend of competitive culture in the
last
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 decade.
This
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 means being busy has already
became
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become
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 a unique lifestyle which helps
people
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 to feel more
and
Correct word choice
apply
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independent.
For instance
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, In
China
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,China
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 more and more
people
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 are inclined towards investing their time in working
instead
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 of social bonding to protect their personalities, and more importantly to become economically self-sufficient as well.
However
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, in my opinion, the grave effects of
this
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 trend cannot be ignored because working for increasingly hours, in long run, can be terrible. For individuals, if they stay in a highly-focused or exhausting environment, high
chances
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chance
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 would be there to
caught-up
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caught up
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 in serious mental
illness
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illnesses
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such
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 as insomnia ,or even worse, depression. To elucidate, according to a study conducted by scholars at Peking University, there and 100 million
people
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diagnosed
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are diagnosed
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 with serious mental diseases, largely due to pressure from work.
On the other hand
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, if multinationational companies
,
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apply
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 and industries keep draining their employee's energy and talents without enough vacations and welfare of employees, development cannot be sustained in the
long-run
Correct your spelling
long run
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. In conclusion, working for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 duration underlying in the
people
Use synonyms
's belief that working harder can be a way to earn better
luxurios
Correct your spelling
luxurious
 life , but we must understand that
this
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 is not beneficial for our mental health.

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