Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.
In contemporary society,
sugar
addiction is consistently been a topic of interest among the masses. The statement "Any products
, which are sweet, need to impose sugar
taxes to solve health
problems in nowadays societies." presents a viewpoint that is
both thought-provoking and debatable. Despite its contentious nature, I am inclined to endorse this
viewpoint, and I believe we need other solutions to maximise the result of the policy.
There is little doubt that sugar
in the past five decades has been considered a treasure, but due to
fast-changing and improved technology, the price of sugar
become lower and lower, however
, healthy, fresh and organic vegetables and meat are facing incredible inflation. Ultra-processed food
is now a new and cheaper choice for communities. In some research, sugar
is been blamed for contributing to diabetes, and physical and mental health
problems. Some scientists even urged that if humanity continuously overconsumes sugar
, tens of thousands of deaths nationally a year is only a matter of time. It is therefore
reasonable that we need regulations on sugar
to protect public health
.
However
, even all individuals know how sugar
affects their health
and makes them addicted to it just like drugs. It is difficult for people to stop their desperation for sugar
if there is no ban on sugar
, and this
is the reason why I support that governments should effectively outlaw sales of sugary drinks and sweets. Meanwhile, governments should decrease the prices of healthy food
and vitamins, moreover
, giving allowance to the poor. In this
way, because healthy food
is cheaper than ultra-processed food
and sweet, the community will prefer to buy the cheaper one.
In my opinion, I believe parents and manufacturers also
need to take responsibility for reducing the amount of sugar
that children consume and educating correct nutrition content concepts. Furthermore
, the industry could provide expensive sugary products
and affordable non-sugary products
, and give the choice right back to consumers.
In conclusion, reflecting upon this
statement on whether sweet products
should be made more expensive, while
cakes, cookies and fizzy drinks are irresistible, it is crucial to acknowledge sugar
causes obesity and diabetes rates to soar. Given these considerations, my allegiance to this
perspective is steadfastly consolidated and controvertibly firm.Submitted by jasmine2001tw on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, with each paragraph flowing naturally to the next. Some parts of your essay were slightly disconnected.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion were present, but make sure that the introduction sets a clear stance on the topic and that the conclusion effectively summarises the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with more focused arguments. Some of the points made need further explanation and more concrete examples to support them effectively.
task achievement
Your task response was adequate, addressing the prompt. However, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task with elaborated points where necessary.
task achievement
Your presentation of ideas is clear, but strive for greater clarity and more comprehensive explanations to strengthen your argumentation.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Such examples can serve to anchor your points more firmly within the context of the given topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example