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Band 5.5

In some countries, governments pay unemployed people on a weekly basis. How would this impact people as well as the government? Do you agree or disagree with that?

#countries #governments #people #basis #impact #government
In some nations, unemployed individuals are weekly paid unemployment benefits by
governments
.
However
,
this
 influences both
governments
 and the public. Regarding
this
, I disagree with unemployment pension.
To begin
 with, if
governments
 pay
money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 jobless
people
, they become dependent.
Although
people
 have abilities to work, they are not willing to work as they can get
money
 easily from the government per week.
For example
, a survey conducted by the Korea Labour Foundation has revealed that approximately 20% of unemployed
people
 who have been given
money
 by
governments
 tend not to find a job. As the example clearly illustrates, unemployment benefit affects
people
 becoming lazy. Turning to the
governments
, when they give
funds
 to unemployed
people
, they cannot allocate state
funds
 to other urgent issues of public services
such
 as public transportation and hospitals. From my point of view, paying
money
 for jobless
people
 is not a key factor in helping them,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
rather it is a waste of
money
.
For instance
, in Canada, even though
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 provide
money
 every week in order to support unemployed
people
, some of them buy drugs with the
money
 rather than find a new job.
Hence
, providing
funds
 for jobless
people
 is not a good idea.
Moreover
, taxpayers feel burdened since they have to pay high taxes to support jobless
people
. Since jobless benefits make
people
 lazy, they will get an occupation quickly.
Therefore
, taxpayers have to pay for them for a long time.
As a result
, the public becomes unsatisfied.
In addition
, there is another effective way to help jobless
people
 by providing vocational courses rather than paying
money
.
For instance
, recent media in Korea reports that providing training courses is the most efficient means of supporting
people
 who lose their jobs.
Hence
, providing Vocational education is a backbone for them. In conclusion, paying
money
 makes jobless
people
 become reliant, and it
also
 diminishes
funds
 that are spent on public services. Regarding
this
, providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobless
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 is a suitable solution for them since some
neglects
Change the verb form
neglect
show examples
 jobs.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 it brings about excessive taxes.
Therefore
, government
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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task response
Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main point and provides clear supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to create coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Also, ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay.
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