IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#people #travel #place #work #computers #internet #smartphones #home #development
In the days before,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 massive amount of the population had been chosen to go to their work physically.
however
, by adding devices and the Internet to the core of our lives many ideas are changed. so, people are trying to do their
jobs
 from other places like home. one of the advantages of
this
 replacement is that many international companies could hire, expert employees from all over the world
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 opposed to the past which had many limitations
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 selecting people for any position. Another great profit is that more
jobs
 are healed which have result used from time more.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 many teachers have had a problem going to the class and
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 to their students
also
 they could do
this
 from the home .
Although
, there is no denying that insite classes have many pros. In online
classes
Add a comma
,classes
show examples
 students can learn from the best teachers in every field they want.
In
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 there are many negative aspects to rise working online, the most significant disadvantage is that bosses could not be focused on the work of their employees who is working from another place against their company.
furthermore
, physical
jobs
 are failed because of
this
 replacement.
for instance
 on the one hand some physical stores are closed because of coronavirus have started in these
last
 year,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 many strong online shops are created which are serviced more widely to consumers. in conclusion, as can be seen from
points
Correct article usage
the points
show examples
 made in
this
 essay, they are both pros and cons to
replace
Change the verb form
replacing
show examples
 the way of working. even though there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many disadvantages, a significant positive impact would be creating
jobs
Submitted by soliran95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: