IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parent spend a little free time with their children today. Why is it so? Why do you think this affects more, parents or children?

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It is generally acknowledged that some
parents
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little leisure
time
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 with their
children
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 in contemporary society.
This
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 essay will outline why the
parents
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 have a lack
of
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apply
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time
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 with their
children
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, and suggest why
such
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 a trend influences
children
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 more than their
parents
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.
To begin
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 with, in the modern era, a significant number of
parents
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 suffer from hectic schedules at
work
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. as prices have
went
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gone
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 up, people need more money than before to obtain basic needs
such
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 as accommodation and food.
Moreover
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, the number of
single
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single-parent
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parent
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 families has increased since people can divorce. Single
parents
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 , to a certain degree, have to
work
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for
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apply
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double
as
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in
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 the absence of
the
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their
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 partner.
For example
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, almost 20% of
single
Add a hyphen
single-parent
show examples
parent
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 families in Korea suffer from a lack of interaction with their
children
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 since they have to
work
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 hard due to financial difficulties. As the example clearly illustrates, not only busy
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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 single
parents
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 play a key factor in a scarcity of free
time
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 with their
children
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. Regarding
this
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,
such
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 a trend
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 both
parents
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 and
children
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. On the one hand, some
parents
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 who do not have enough
time
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 to share with their
children
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 tend to neglect their
children
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. Paradoxically, because their
work
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 in order to support their
children
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 is too busy, they do not have enough
time
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 to take care of
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children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
.
For instance
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, recent media reports in Korea
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
Correct your spelling
revealed
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reveled
Correct your spelling
revealed
show examples
 that approximately 5% of
parents
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who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 both
work
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 outside
are not remember
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are not remembered
show examples
 their
children
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’s birthday.
Hence
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,
parents
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 who spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little leisure
time
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 with
children
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 have a tendency to become neglectful.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 can be exposed to violent video games and sexual movies owing to the absence of
parents
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’ monitoring. As
regard
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regards
show examples
this
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, many adolescents
are fall
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fall
show examples
 into antisocial tendency since they are not educated
parent
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 appropriately.
However
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, they might become independent as they have more responsibilities to deal with housework
instead
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 of their
parents
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. In conclusion,
parents
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 and single
parents
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 who have to support their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 do not have enough
time
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 to spend with their
children
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. While I accept that they might become neglectful, the impact of
this
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 on
children
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 is huge as they can be involved in antisocial
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 or become independent.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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