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Band 4.5

Some parent spend a little free time with their children today. Why is it so? Why do you think this affects more, parents or children?

#parent #time #children #parents
It is generally acknowledged that some
parents
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little leisure
time
 with their
children
 in contemporary society.
This
 essay will outline why the
parents
 have a lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
 with their
children
, and suggest why
such
 a trend influences
children
 more than their
parents
.
To begin
 with, in the modern era, a significant number of
parents
 suffer from hectic schedules at
work
. as prices have
went
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gone
show examples
 up, people need more money than before to obtain basic needs
such
 as accommodation and food.
Moreover
, the number of
single
Add a hyphen
single-parent
show examples
parent
 families has increased since people can divorce. Single
parents
 , to a certain degree, have to
work
for
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apply
show examples
double
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the absence of
the
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their
show examples
 partner.
For example
, almost 20% of
single
Add a hyphen
single-parent
show examples
parent
 families in Korea suffer from a lack of interaction with their
children
 since they have to
work
 hard due to financial difficulties. As the example clearly illustrates, not only busy
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 single
parents
 play a key factor in a scarcity of free
time
 with their
children
. Regarding
this
,
such
 a trend
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 both
parents
 and
children
. On the one hand, some
parents
 who do not have enough
time
 to share with their
children
 tend to neglect their
children
. Paradoxically, because their
work
 in order to support their
children
 is too busy, they do not have enough
time
 to take care of
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
.
For instance
, recent media reports in Korea
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
Correct your spelling
revealed
show examples
reveled
Correct your spelling
revealed
show examples
 that approximately 5% of
parents
who
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whom
show examples
 both
work
 outside
are not remember
Change the verb form
are not remembered
show examples
 their
children
’s birthday.
Hence
,
parents
 who spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little leisure
time
 with
children
 have a tendency to become neglectful.
On the other hand
,
children
 can be exposed to violent video games and sexual movies owing to the absence of
parents
’ monitoring. As
regard
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regards
show examples
this
, many adolescents
are fall
Change the verb form
fall
show examples
 into antisocial tendency since they are not educated
parent
 appropriately.
However
, they might become independent as they have more responsibilities to deal with housework
instead
 of their
parents
. In conclusion,
parents
 and single
parents
 who have to support their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 do not have enough
time
 to spend with their
children
. While I accept that they might become neglectful, the impact of
this
 on
children
 is huge as they can be involved in antisocial
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 or become independent.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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