Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will have the ability to learn more effectively by watching TV and should
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

be more encouraged to watch more of it regularly at their private
resident
Replace the word
residence

The word resident doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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or at school. In
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will explain why I do not agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, letting children watch television more often in their own home or in other places should not be encouraged. One of the reasons for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is that producing youngsters with too many movies or tv shows will have a negative effect on them when they become older.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in China, they have banned all
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

under 15 years of age from watching TV,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is since experts
has
Change the verb form
have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject experts. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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done studies that showed that younger
viewers
Change noun form
viewers'
viewer's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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eyes are more sensitive and will be harmed in the process of staring at the screen.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, these
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will require glasses when they get older since their vision got
worse
Add an article
the worse
a worse

The noun phrase worse cause seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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cause of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will have a higher chance of learning more from reading a book or
talk
Wrong verb form
talking

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb talk. Consider changing it.

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to their
surronding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
surroundings

If you don’t want surronding to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. There
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

are younger people that are more capable of taking in new information and knowledge than when they are older in age.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a study from 2008 that was done in Canada showed that from the ages 1 to 8 years old, children have proven to learn new subjects in school by listening to their teacher and
ask
Wrong verb form
asking

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb ask. Consider changing it.

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questions.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to that, has shown that in later years increased the amount of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students

It seems that student may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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that ended up graduating. In conclusion, there are better options for younger individuals when it comes to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb gain. Consider changing it.

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new information rather
them
Correct word choice
than them

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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staring at a screen. In saying
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I still do not agree with the statement above and feel that teaching children to read and talk will benefit them better.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • passive
  • sedentary
  • limit
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • educational content
  • expose
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • negative effects
  • behavior
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