IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal .some people,however, think other types of progress are equally important for a country. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is considered by some authorities that growth in the economy of the nation is the most essential task which should be achieved.
While
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, other experts argue that other progress,
such
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 as environmental improvement, and citizen safety
also
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 play an important role in a developed country. I opine that both contribute an equal portion of their benefits.
To begin
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 with, economic movement is indeed vital for countries.
This
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 is because, it provides abundant benefits to citizens like as good facilities, high wages, and a better quality of life which is desired by everyone.
Thus
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, economic progress can enhance citizens' lives around the world. Taking Brazil as an example, the Government has imposed lots of policies for economic development.
As a result
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, the quality of life in Brazil has been considerably improved, which enables them to get better jobs and enhance their standards of living.
On the other hand
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, progress in the educational sector, and a pollution-free environment are considerable factors for growth.
In other words
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, the economic condition of the country cannot grow without the support of a secure social condition, better political conditions, and an advanced education system.
Therefore
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, education leads to economic growth for many people. When the government prioritizes the improvement of the educational system, it will produce professionals who secure better-paying jobs.
As a consequence
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, they will provide a good return on investment for the country by paying higher taxes.
For instance
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, Afghanistan is considered an insecure nation, in terms of politics, the social world, and the weak education system for its students.
To sum up
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, economic progression is a priority because it provides fame, but at the same time, other developments are important. From my viewpoint, both can be considered equally for better progression.

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improvement
Task Response: The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and provides relevant arguments for both points of view. However, the opinion could be more clearly stated.
improvement
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay shows a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the link between ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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