IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that older generation had a better quality of life due to their lifestyle which did not have involve any use of high tech gadgets or technology like that smart phone or internet. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, a group of
people
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 believe that the
last
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 generations who did not have access to the range of new technology and tools have better lives. I do not subscribe to
this
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 idea owing to the fact new devices help populations to do their work more easily and enjoy a majority of items. On the one hand, today, communities can do several works without spending a great deal of not only energy but
also
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time
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;
additionally
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, the level of their lives has improved over the period
time
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.
For example
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, communities do not worry about cleaning their house inasmuch as the dishwasher, robot vacuum cleaner, and so on do their work really fast and helps them to have more free
time
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 that can spend on themselves;
moreover
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, they do not invest too much
time
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 in travel to other cities and countries so easy and fast with various types of transportation
such
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 as car, train, plane, and so on.
On the other hand
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, when
people
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 in the past had a
time
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, they did not have a lot of choices for spending
this
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time
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 on.
In other words
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, their facilities were so few;
In contrast
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, nowadays,
people
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 have access to so many elements and they have a lot of selections, which are enhanced by technology, for investing their
time
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 in namely, TV, Cinema, Video games, exhibitions, and so forth.
To conclude
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, In my opinion, the quality of old
people
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 is really lower than new generations on account of the fact that technology and electronic gadgets create a chance for
people
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 to enjoy their lives better and have better situations.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving logical transitions between ideas. Ensure that paragraphs connect seamlessly to enhance flow.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments. Specific evidence can provide more clarity and bolster your points.
Task Achievement
Be cautious with some grammar and syntactical structures. While they don't majorly affect comprehension, small improvements can enhance the clarity of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main argument well.
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses the task, providing a complete argument for why technology has improved quality of life.
Task Achievement
The essay includes different viewpoints, showcasing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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