IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

1.Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on age, and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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To begin
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, it is thought that individuals should be accepted to maintain working regardless of their age because it contributes to the increase of workforces in societies
as well as
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 decrease the burden of finance for retired organizations.
For example
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, in developed countries,
such
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 as The US labour is a big trouble and they must hire employees from developing countries and underdeveloped countries, like, Vietnam, Thailand, Lao and much more.
Therefore
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, the regulation of
retirement
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 is 67
years
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 old in America partly helps to solve the shortage of workforce issue.
This
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 regulation
also
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 helps to shorten the time of
retirement
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, which means the payment for
retirement
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also
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 will drop.
On the other hand
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, others argue that people over 65
years
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 old should be prevented to continue working because they have both physical and mental health problems,
such
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 as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, memory loss and much more .
Hence
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, it will be easy to have injuries in the process of working.
Furthermore
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, nowadays, employers require employees the particular knowledge of technology, and
this
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 seems that workers after 65
years
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 old are outdated and unsuitable. To illustrate, If those who are over 65
years
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 old
work
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 in a sales department, they will not have enough health to stand and convince customers hours. Regarding, manual
work
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such
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 as building, the elderly will be easy to fall down or dizzy if they
work
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 outside and under sunny.
Consequently
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, to ensure the safety of people and properties, we should avoid letting individuals after 65
years
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 old continue working. In conclusion, some believe that people should be allowed to go on to
work
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 at all ages because it helps to address the shortage of labour problems
as well as
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 to reduce the burden of
retirement
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 payments.;
However
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, I believe that citizens after the age of 65 should be banned to keep on working because their health is not only unsafety at
work
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 but
also
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 poor productivity.

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task achievement
Focus on providing a clearer introduction, outlining both views briefly before discussing them. The introduction can be more engaging to set the context.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to support the main points effectively. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly. This can help to improve the overall writing flow and readability.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, providing relevant supporting examples.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and provides a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Each main point is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations, which strengthens the argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • age discrimination
  • work-life balance
  • economic stability
  • pension plans
  • life expectancy
  • older workforce
  • job market dynamics
  • intergenerational workplace
  • financial pressure
  • mentorship
  • productivity
  • new technologies
  • physical or mental decline
  • personal freedom
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