IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The cultures of many countries around the world become more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

#cultures #countries #world #trend
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It is true that many aspects of
cultures
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 have become increasingly similar throughout the
world
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, which can be explained by the influence of
western
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Western
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 societies.
This
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 essay will elaborate on
this
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 phenomenon and explain why we should be cautious about it. Undeniably, all
cultures
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 have been increasingly influenced by
western
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Western
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 values.
Firstly
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, important platforms that facilitate the spread of information are ubiquitously developed by
western
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Western
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 countries, which will largely benefit the popularity of
western
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Western
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cultures
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 worldwide.
For example
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, the video website
Youtube
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YouTube
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 claims that they are an open platform.
However
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, the fact is that there’s significantly more English content produced by Americans and Europeans than that made by
creaters
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creators
creatures
 from other nations and regions. As
people
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 from all over the
world
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 consume these similar types of content, the culture they represent will be more
mainstreamed
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mainstream
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.
Secondly
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, multinational companies of
western
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Western
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 origins
also
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 contribute to cultural assimilation as their products are made available across the globe. The best example is the fast-food chain McDonald which has become part of the childhood memories of kids all over the
world
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. I believe that similarity in culture can be detrimental in several ways. First of all, many nations are risking losing their traditional
cultures
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. As more
people
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 pursue a
western
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Western
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 way of living, traditional customs will receive less attention generation by generation. Today in China, more young
people
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 like drinking coffee than tea, which is a huge loss as China boasts of a rich tea-drinking heritage.
In addition
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, the
world
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 would be a boring place without cultural diversity.
People
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 won’t be too excited about travelling anymore because what they’ll see and experience won’t be much different. In summary, I find
cultures
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 of many nations have become increasingly
westernized
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Westernized
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 mainly
due to
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 the influence of
western
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Western
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 media and conglomerates, which can be detrimental to cultural diversity and the survival of traditional
cultures
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.
Submitted by siqichen14 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does present an overall logical structure; however, the development of ideas can be further improved to create a more cohesive argument. Try to connect your points more clearly. Use a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which can lead to higher coherence and cohesion scores.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the task in your response. While your essay discusses reasons for the trend and mentions the negative effects, it lacks a detailed exploration of both sides of the argument. Providing a stronger balance by discussing both the positive and negative implications of cultural similarity would enhance your task achievement score. Moreover, it is important to provide specific examples which are directly relevant to your argument to bolster your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Homogenous
  • Cultural convergence
  • Multinational corporations
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Cultural richness
  • Cultural identities
  • Preserving
  • Erosion
  • Dominance
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer culture
  • International understanding
What to do next:
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